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Date: 2011-07-30 06:42 pm (UTC)
siderea: (Default)
From: [personal profile] siderea
Liv, I appreciate the apology, and that was certainly one issue.

However, another issue with the comment of yours that I screened is that you did in it what you do here: you make assumptions about what I think, and didn't even bother to check them with me. "Siderea holds that this is inherently awful." I didn't say that, did I? Likewise, your assumption about why your comment was screened was wrong. But you never bothered to ask, you just assumed.

When I wrote I say I hate Facebook, and I've heard more times than I can recall, "Oh, I know what you mean", but not once has anyone actually asked me why I hate Facebook. you were precisely one of the people I had in mind.

Your behavior in my journal consistently has demonstrated you're more interested in telling me what you think than actually finding out what I think. You demonstrate an sense of entitlement, both that I'm supposed to not say anything unless I spell out everything, and that if I don't you may attribute to me anything you feel like that I don't specify.

You exhaust me. You are one of the commenters that make writing publicly such an incredible drag, that basically I don't do it any more, and why I don't have you on any of the filters where I do write.

One of the unfortunate misfeatures of LJ is that there is no way to put a person on pre-moderation, save by unfriending them and setting posts to screen non-friend comments. It is for this reason alone I have unfriended you.

Had I the tools to permit you in with moderated comments, I would trust your discretion with my locked posts. I generally like how you interact with me in your own space. I still want to follow you, and there's many things I like about you. I would like to like you even more. But I do not like how you treat me. I do not care for the casual disrespect you show me in my space. I do not appreciate the aversive quality of your comments and the reluctance it engenders in me to post at all. I do not appreciate the feeling that you are making work for me, when I already have such limited time to post.

So I hope you'll change in your approach towards commenting in my space. If you do, I'll see it in your comments, which, pre-screened, I will still be getting.

In regards to your post here: you make my point for me. Using real-name services -- I use LinkedIn, have used Classmates.com -- to make yourself findable is perfectly dandy if that's what you want to do. So is making a nice vanity website which can be googled by people looking for you. But, as you, yourself, describe here very accurately, people with a sense of how the internet works realize that any comment they make under their real name is possibly going to follow them forever, and that's inhibitory of self-disclosure, even of the most trivial kind.

The problem is that lots of people -- most of them -- don't have that sense of how the internet works. They never had a chance to get it. Nobody taught it to them and they've only been around a little time.

Presenting such people with a social network tool under their real names is like leaving a 2yo unattended by a swimming pool. They don't know any better, and they will attempt use it as for its intended purpose -- winding up in deeper water than they can handle.

No, as you well know yourself, the way to use such real name tools is to identify trusted people, and having established contact privately give them your pseudonym so they can find your social space. In this way, one's pseudonym is a password, a social password. You grant it to favored people, so they can come to one's virtual speakeasy.

They can't imagine why anyone would want to use a pseudonym.

Maybe you should tell them. Before they drown.
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Miscellaneous. Eclectic. Random. Perhaps markedly literate, or at least suffering from the compulsion to read any text that presents itself, including cereal boxes.

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