Livre d'Or

Apologies for not getting in touch after Sunday and not seeing your post earlier, I did not mean to cause you distress. I did not think that you were deliberately avoiding me, or in fact doing anything bad at all.

It is true that I did want to see more of you, and I did feel in need of more support and help from close friends before and after the party. A sensible way of dealing with that would have been to ask you and others to spend more time with me, and to accept your kind offer of coming back to tidy up in the morning. Getting upset with no warming was not part the plan, and it was definitely not your fault.

I was stressed and mood wobbly throughout the weekend. Party beginnings are usually a bit tense and I was expecting that; mornings after parties have usually been relaxed and nice, but this time all the people staying over were people I did not know very well, plus we had some academic career discussion, plus I was worried about mum's reaction to this first big party ever in her house, plus other people were not happy with me, and I felt disappointed at the lack of relaxed morning chat I was expecting, and I ended up being unexpectedly stressed. So when we had finally finished all the cleaning and everybody was out of the house I felt that the difficult stuff was finally done and I could now relax and enjoy the rest of the day. Unfortunately I probably relaxed too much and upset came back out to bite.

I think I unfairly singled you out to be upset at, whereas I was actually upset at a wide range of things and people and that was really quite unfair.