Married friends
Mar. 22nd, 2010 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livSo I managed to grab a weekend in Cambridge with the excuse of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
robhu's wedding to pigwotflies. Many congratulations to the newly-weds!
The day didn't start out too well, because I was trying to visit a friend in hospital, and between problems with communication, really awful public transport (a journey that is supposed to take 40 minutes took about twice that), and me being confused about when it was actually possible to visit patients, I didn't manage to see him. Instead I found myself desperately hoping the bus would get me back into town in time for the ceremony.
I just made it, well, one minute late but before the bride so that's what counts, right? The service was not like anything else I've ever experienced, but then I don't go to all that many Christian weddings and have never had reason to go to an Evangelical type of service. The music was in a style that I've read about but never encountered, with drums and guitars and a keyboard, and sort of American-ish sub rock in genre. It's different enough from the sort of music I'm familiar with, whether secular or religious, that I couldn't pick up any of the tunes even after several verses. (They did do Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart, which I sort of know, but the arrangement was very odd.) If I believed in Christianity I might have felt bad about not joining in, and if I had any musical ability at all I might have felt bad about not lending my voice to the congregation, but as it was I was happy to just listen and observe. People were kind of bopping along to the hymns as well, even the bride and bridesmaids! Also waving their arms in the air like in the slow songs at a rock concert.
The reading was a potentially controversial, if topical, bit of Ephesians about the ideal marital relationship. So there was a sermon about how this passage is not sexist at all, honest, but in order to reach this conclusion the preacher ended up comparing marriage to Gethsemane, crucifixion and death, though he sounded very upbeat about his choice of metaphors. Also, they had a section a lot like our seven marriage blessings (well, except that there were eight of them), which I didn't know was in the Christian liturgy.
But other than that it was sort of what I expect from general cultural saturation in how CofE marriage ceremonies happen. Many thanks toatreic for patiently answering all my nosy questions about details of Christian liturgy and generally helping me to be less confused! jack was worried that I might try to heckle when I disagreed with the theology, but I know enough to know that Christians don't usually appreciate that.
There was a procession along the shopping street towards the bus station, with bubble blowing and a random passing busker serenading us with Here comes the bride. That was lots of fun, and very Cambridge the way that most shoppers and tourists just took a random wedding party in their stride. It seemed appropriate to make the wedding a truly public occasion.
The reception was also lovely, although I did not know that many people. The speeches were funny but also loving and personal. And the people I didn't know were interesting to talk to, though after a while we "circulated" so that we could chat toatreic and emperor. Also saw alextfish and woodpijn and the toothycats briefly. There was dancing, which I enjoyed although we are not very good at it (well, to be accurate jack knows how to dance but doesn't have much sense of rhythm, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.) Also they had the cutest table decorations with hearts and pacmans and flying pigs, in keeping with the general theme.
Lots of fun people watching and admiring shiny clothes, including of course the bride herself. I was impressed with her choice of dress, which was a compromise between a modern, stylish outfit but just a bit more classic and less revealing than the typical fashion for brides. I wore my orange silk outfit, and garnered compliments on the jacket I bought to go with it, which is white with embroidery in bright colours including orange. Alsojack looks ever so good in a smart suit.
There was general consensus that Rob and Bekki struck just the right balance between something that was formal and solemn, with something that was fun and modest and not ostentatious. Also they make a very, very cute couple and I hope they continue to be extremely happy together.
I was playing around trying to map the wedding ceremony onto a more familiar Jewish framework, and it hit me that the First Dance is playing the role of symbolic consummation. I mean, not everybody does it this way, but I've quite commonly seen the set-up where the band plays some slow, romantic music, and everybody stands around in a circle watching the couple slow-dance / smooch. Which is sort of Hollywood shorthand for romantic sex anyway, (though in Hollywood weddings they do this silly thing where the officiant tells the groom to kiss the bride).
Then we were walking home and I was slightly drunk on bubbly and I started expanding this into thinking about weddings as a general cultural ritual. (khalinche and any other real live anthropologists should look away now, because all my knowledge of the subject is odd scraps from popular works.) I came up with a theory that modern weddings are not really about relationship transitions, because most people in our society have been living together, or at least seriously dating, for a while by the time they get married. Instead they're about the transition to adulthood – but we already have coming-of-age ceremonies in the form of 18th or 21st birthday parties and possibly graduation.
So I postulated that the reason we do weddings the way we do is because we actually have two phases of youth (ie the period between childhood and adulthood): adolescence / teenage, which I believe is quite a modern concept, and the phase between leaving school and reaching what society regards as full adulthood, with university (if you move in those kinds of social circles) and possibly training, and trying out possible jobs and relationships and ways of being a person. And that second transition is marked not by any particular birthday, but by marriage. Which gives people a decade or more when they have some degree of financial independence but few real responsibilities or long-term commitments. But it rather sucks for people who don't want to or are unable to find a person to be their other half. I don't think this really holds up entirely, but it was fun to play around with and pontificate atjack.
While in Cambridge I used the excuse to spend Sunday afternoon with parents, Granny and my brother Thuggish Poet and his partner. It was really really good to reconnect with some of the family.
robhu's wedding to pigwotflies. Many congratulations to the newly-weds!The day didn't start out too well, because I was trying to visit a friend in hospital, and between problems with communication, really awful public transport (a journey that is supposed to take 40 minutes took about twice that), and me being confused about when it was actually possible to visit patients, I didn't manage to see him. Instead I found myself desperately hoping the bus would get me back into town in time for the ceremony.
I just made it, well, one minute late but before the bride so that's what counts, right? The service was not like anything else I've ever experienced, but then I don't go to all that many Christian weddings and have never had reason to go to an Evangelical type of service. The music was in a style that I've read about but never encountered, with drums and guitars and a keyboard, and sort of American-ish sub rock in genre. It's different enough from the sort of music I'm familiar with, whether secular or religious, that I couldn't pick up any of the tunes even after several verses. (They did do Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart, which I sort of know, but the arrangement was very odd.) If I believed in Christianity I might have felt bad about not joining in, and if I had any musical ability at all I might have felt bad about not lending my voice to the congregation, but as it was I was happy to just listen and observe. People were kind of bopping along to the hymns as well, even the bride and bridesmaids! Also waving their arms in the air like in the slow songs at a rock concert.
The reading was a potentially controversial, if topical, bit of Ephesians about the ideal marital relationship. So there was a sermon about how this passage is not sexist at all, honest, but in order to reach this conclusion the preacher ended up comparing marriage to Gethsemane, crucifixion and death, though he sounded very upbeat about his choice of metaphors. Also, they had a section a lot like our seven marriage blessings (well, except that there were eight of them), which I didn't know was in the Christian liturgy.
But other than that it was sort of what I expect from general cultural saturation in how CofE marriage ceremonies happen. Many thanks to
atreic for patiently answering all my nosy questions about details of Christian liturgy and generally helping me to be less confused! jack was worried that I might try to heckle when I disagreed with the theology, but I know enough to know that Christians don't usually appreciate that. There was a procession along the shopping street towards the bus station, with bubble blowing and a random passing busker serenading us with Here comes the bride. That was lots of fun, and very Cambridge the way that most shoppers and tourists just took a random wedding party in their stride. It seemed appropriate to make the wedding a truly public occasion.
The reception was also lovely, although I did not know that many people. The speeches were funny but also loving and personal. And the people I didn't know were interesting to talk to, though after a while we "circulated" so that we could chat to
atreic and emperor. Also saw alextfish and woodpijn and the toothycats briefly. There was dancing, which I enjoyed although we are not very good at it (well, to be accurate jack knows how to dance but doesn't have much sense of rhythm, and I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.) Also they had the cutest table decorations with hearts and pacmans and flying pigs, in keeping with the general theme.Lots of fun people watching and admiring shiny clothes, including of course the bride herself. I was impressed with her choice of dress, which was a compromise between a modern, stylish outfit but just a bit more classic and less revealing than the typical fashion for brides. I wore my orange silk outfit, and garnered compliments on the jacket I bought to go with it, which is white with embroidery in bright colours including orange. Also
jack looks ever so good in a smart suit. There was general consensus that Rob and Bekki struck just the right balance between something that was formal and solemn, with something that was fun and modest and not ostentatious. Also they make a very, very cute couple and I hope they continue to be extremely happy together.
I was playing around trying to map the wedding ceremony onto a more familiar Jewish framework, and it hit me that the First Dance is playing the role of symbolic consummation. I mean, not everybody does it this way, but I've quite commonly seen the set-up where the band plays some slow, romantic music, and everybody stands around in a circle watching the couple slow-dance / smooch. Which is sort of Hollywood shorthand for romantic sex anyway, (though in Hollywood weddings they do this silly thing where the officiant tells the groom to kiss the bride).
Then we were walking home and I was slightly drunk on bubbly and I started expanding this into thinking about weddings as a general cultural ritual. (
khalinche and any other real live anthropologists should look away now, because all my knowledge of the subject is odd scraps from popular works.) I came up with a theory that modern weddings are not really about relationship transitions, because most people in our society have been living together, or at least seriously dating, for a while by the time they get married. Instead they're about the transition to adulthood – but we already have coming-of-age ceremonies in the form of 18th or 21st birthday parties and possibly graduation. So I postulated that the reason we do weddings the way we do is because we actually have two phases of youth (ie the period between childhood and adulthood): adolescence / teenage, which I believe is quite a modern concept, and the phase between leaving school and reaching what society regards as full adulthood, with university (if you move in those kinds of social circles) and possibly training, and trying out possible jobs and relationships and ways of being a person. And that second transition is marked not by any particular birthday, but by marriage. Which gives people a decade or more when they have some degree of financial independence but few real responsibilities or long-term commitments. But it rather sucks for people who don't want to or are unable to find a person to be their other half. I don't think this really holds up entirely, but it was fun to play around with and pontificate at
jack.While in Cambridge I used the excuse to spend Sunday afternoon with parents, Granny and my brother Thuggish Poet and his partner. It was really really good to reconnect with some of the family.
