Livre d'Or

I've thought about going to Bicon in the past, and always decided against it for similar reasons though coming at it from the opposite direction. I'm about a 5 on the Kinsey scale, and have never been in any sort of a relationship with a man (legally female people with vulvas who identified as genderqueer, and legally male people with penises who identified as female, yes, but never any men) so what right do I have to call myself bisexual?

Of course, by any sane and objective measure "is sometimes attracted to both male and female people" is pretty much the only "right" that I need, but I have a habit of over-thinking things as well.

I tend to vacillate betwixt bisexual and lesbian as my self-identity as well (when I have to self-identify at all, which I mostly prefer not to) and in a way both of them feel like a betrayal. If I say I'm bisexual, isn't that the same as saying "oh, no, don't worry, I'm not one of them, I'm attracted to men too"? And if I say I'm a lesbian, isn't that really just another form of prescriptive gender essentialism, denying the possibilities of anything more than a gender binary? No and no, clearly, but rationally knowing this to be true isn't the same as being able to intrinsically believe it deep down.

I suspect that the lesson we both should be taking from this is that it's impossible to please everyone. Do bisexual people exist who would decide that you or I were not bisexual enough? Almost certainly. But are there straight people who would want to exclude you and lesbians who would want to exclude me? Almost certainly as well.

The whole point to the queer movement (to the extent it has or needs a point) is and must be to allow people the autonomy to be themselves and do as they will without having to worry that that will lead to their exclusion, be it exclusion from without or from within.