Questions from khalinche

[liv]

Various people are playing the interview / questions game, and khalinche gave me a great set.

1. Long hair. Does yours ever come out of its plait? Under what circumstances? Can you imagine yourself with shorter hair?
   My hair is mostly plaited for two reasons. One is convenience, as it's slippery and semi-curly and it tangles like anything if I let it loose. The other is (religious) modesty, and I appreciate that this probably seems like a really weird thing to care about, but there you go.
   
   So it comes out about as often as my cleavage is allowed to peek out of my clothes; in my view my hair is about as public-appropriate as my chest (more appropriate than my actual nipples, but less than, say, my arms). At parties and dressy occasions, as I judge it, it's in line with general cultural standards to expose a bit more of my body than I would at work or just for walking around town. And for parties I don't mind if it takes a bit of time to brush out my hair afterwards; in any case it's time I save by not putting on make-up or spending ages creating elaborate outfits.
   
   I also don't generally mind unbinding it if people ask politely to play with it, as long as they know me well enough to ask and I'm not in a situation, such as a windy hilltop or trying to eat a meal, where loose hair will get in the way. Part of the reason I grew it long was because I loved the idea of people stroking and playing with it, and as a child I hated being excluded from extended "hairdressing" sessions.
   
   That brings me on to the other half of the question: can I imagine myself with short hair? Yes, in the sense that I have an idea what I would look like with short hair, but no, in the sense that I can't imagine ever feeling comfortable with short hair, it just doesn't fit my internal image of myself. Thing is, my mother believes in short hair, and I spent my childhood from the time I was verbal fighting about it because I wanted to grow it long and my mother wanted me to cut it every six weeks to keep it neatly cropped. I never managed to convince her that growing my hair was actually important to me and I wasn't just being pointlessly rebellious and awkward. (I mean, to be fair, I was pointlessly rebellious and awkward a lot of the time as a kid.) It's just about the only thing about my appearance that matters to me; I feel uncomfortable if my hair is ever shorter than about waist-length and prefer it as long as it will grow.
   
   
2. How many kinds of tea do you think a satisfactory kitchen needs?
   The thing about this question is that I'm notorious for being a tea addict, but I'm honestly not that much of a tea gourmet. I enjoy fancy, high-class teas, sure, but not particularly more than I enjoy any other luxury foods. The beverage that provides just about all my hydration and that I drink about 3 - 4 litres of most days is yer basic builder-style black tea with milk. So for myself I'd be pretty satisfied with a kitchen that contained only PG-Tips.
   
   What I try to keep in my kitchen is a small selection of fruit / herb teas so that I can have tea as a social activity with people who don't drink standard tea, at least one green tea (preferably Chinese) and a couple of things that are somewhere in between real tea and those Twinings-type infusion things that have more scent than taste, things like rooibos and chamomile tea. A good kitchen, more than satisfactory, has a few varieties of good quality black tea in leaf form, and appropriate equipment for serving leaf tea. That should include at least some smokey teas, like lapsang souchong or oolong. And a few varieties of flavoured tea, some Earl Grey and a tea that is made by mixing black leaf tea with fruit or flowers. Personally, I like middle-eastern style teas where you take a very strong black tea and add a lot of sugar and some flavouring such as cardamom or spearmint; I don't know if you count having sugar, lemon, spices and herbs available as a "kind" of tea.
   
   
3. What drew you to biology, and do you ever think about what you might have studied and gone into instead?
   Oh, I like this question! I usually tell the story that what drew me to biology was my biochemist mother explaining the facts of life to me when she was pregnant with my siblings (so I was pre-school age), and I found the actual descriptions of sex boring but was really interested in how maternal and paternal gametes combine and express genes which direct the zygote to develop into an embryo and eventually a baby. This led me to read a lot of popular biology and genetics books and articles throughout my childhood. It didn't hurt that I was growing up at just the period when there was a lot of excitement about the Human Genome Project and DNA was the cool thing in popular science.
   
   But there were other factors apart from a very early interest in genetics and cell signalling. My best friend when I was a teenager was very much into biology and we had a romantic vision of the future which involved setting up a lab together and becoming the next Watson and Crick. At that point I was more interested in biological chemistry than in biology itself, I think partly because all that independent reading meant that I didn't find GCSE biology very novel or challenging. I only took biology A Level because my school very sensibly advised me that I'd have a better chance of getting into a chemistry course at uni if I had two science A Levels rather than just chemistry and maths. Then I had a really excellent teacher for A Level, which helped a lot in pushing me towards my choice of degree subject. The other motivation was two summers at the Weizmann Institute, which exactly filled the programmes' purpose of getting me excited about scientific research and persuaded me to change my career plans and train as an actual biologist rather than a biology teacher.
   
   What else might I have studied and done with my life? I think doing something academic was probably fairly inevitable. I considered linguistics (I admit this is almost a cliché for what geeks say they would have done if things had been different!), but was put off because it seemed to me that you had to get through a lot of literary analysis before you could get to the sciencey bits I found interesting. If I hadn't got into Oxford I would most likely have done a joint degree in biochemistry and French; certainly most of my fallback choices were that kind of dual specialization. (There's an alternative version of me that did a maths degree and then trained as an actuary or possibly accountant, but honestly that was never more than a vague daydream.)
   
   Career-wise, I have always, always been drawn towards education of some sort. My original plan had been to complete my education with a PGCE not a PhD and go into schoolteaching, quite possibly primary school with a view to becoming a school or regional science coordinator. There's always been the possibility of doing Jewish education seriously rather than my actual dilettante involvement with it, and I've several times come quite close to training for rabbinic ordination. I may yet, especially as I've now managed to build up quite a portfolio of community leadership experience so I'm no longer intimidated by the pastoral as opposed to academic aspects. And at this stage in my career I perceive strong currents drawing me towards becoming an educationalist and pure teacher rather than carrying on with science research. On balance I'd rather carry on doing both, but if I end up having to choose I'll probably fall on the education side of the fence.
   
   
4. You are in the process of taking on leadership of a local religious community, not for the first time. What would you say to someone considering a similar move? Is there any pastoral or religious training that you wish you had had?
   Heh, great question. I have to admit that it's a bit strange to think of someone considering doing it; it's always been something that just happened because there wasn't anyone else available in the place I found myself. I'm going to assume that the hypothetical person who is considering is already an active member of a religious community and has a deep commitment to their religion, because otherwise why on earth would they consider a leadership role? But I would point out that a lot of my congregants think I'm amazingly knowledgeable and I've basically had no formal education, my fluency comes from just turning up to services regularly until I became familiar with the liturgy for all parts of the year. I've also taken advantage of every informal educational opportunity that has come my way, whether it's a rabbi giving a talk / class, or the Limmud conference.
   
   The way I got into this position was alternating between spending time with large Jewish communities where such educational opportunities are available, and tiny tiny Jewish communities where they're desperate enough to want me to do leadership stuff! I don't know if I'd advise someone to deliberately plan their life like that, but it's also hard to see what else would work as well. I think I would advise the person to volunteer for whatever they can do and stretch their boundaries as much as possible. There's plenty of fairly straightforward, one-off jobs like occasionally taking part of service, giving a sermon, or reading a small section of Torah. You can also do things like teaching Sunday school, or doing organizey things which help you to get to know the people with influence in the community and the educators whose events you'll be attending. And, well, if you don't get a lot of joy out of doing those things anyway, you're very unlikely to enjoy any kind of more intense leadership role, and you won't get any material benefits and probably very little thanks out of it, so why bother in that case?
   
   The biggest piece of advice I would give is that if you take on any kind of educational role, especially if you lead services at all, people will have expectations of emotional support from you. That's the aspect I wish I had more training in dealing with; I've picked up a lot from experience, a lot from talking to friends. There's a bit of cross-fertilization with my professional life, especially in the last couple of years now that I actually have some professional development and training in how to nurture my students and fulfil my more pastoral duties. Basically any kind of management or teaching or counselling or other people-wrangling experience you have is likely to be extremely valuable. But still, I do feel I'm floundering with that, and you can't really say to someone who is in distress and needs someone to talk to, go away, I don't have the training to handle this.
   
   That said, you absolutely need to cultivate the skill of saying no. If you're doing something on a voluntary basis, and the community has a big gap (which is why they're turning to an amateur in the first place), it's very easy to take on way too much. You need to be reliable and consistent, but you also need to restrict the hours you put in enough that you can actually do the job well, and leave time for other things that are important in your life. Also, some of the people who are drawn to religious communities have fairly serious mental health needs and other personal problems. It's much, much better to establish boundaries and restrict yourself to helping them find adequate resources than to get in out of your depth. You can easily do more harm than good by trying to befriend someone who needs much more than just friendliness, and in addition there can be very serious damage to the rest of the community if people are not getting suitable help.
   
   
5. Please recommend some more books to me! The last lot you recommended could have been tailor-written for me, I liked them so much.
   There's honestly not a lot that's like the Vorkosigan Saga! The thing I've read recently that's most like is Chris Moriarty's Spin state. It's much "harder" than Bujold's stuff in the sense that it contains sciencey detail (it even has a bibliography in the back with articles about the quantum physics the book is based on!), but it still has really cool characters having adventures in space, and technology that affects people's lives rather than just being a McGuffin, and women (some of whom are kick-ass and some who are powerful in the feminine sphere), and complex relationships including romance. Li is not Miles, but she has some common features with him, I think.
   
   One book I recommend a lot is GRR Martin's Armageddon Rag. It's hard to describe in a way that doesn't sound completely awful. GRR Martin is the author of the bloodthirsty melodrama Game of Thrones that's currently being serialized on American TV, but AR is very different. It's sort of about Christian eschatology, as you might guess from the title, but it's about that in the sense that it portrays the AntiChrist as a hard rock promoter, and the band he puts together. It's sort of Lord of the Rings fanfic, but in a really twisted and clever and original way. It's sort of a Fond Memories of Vagina-style novel about a middle-aged loser who tries to recapture his lost youth on a road trip round America and narrates it in a rather hard-boiled journalist style. It's a bit hard to imagine any of those things being actually good, but the thing for me is that it has incredibly good characterization, and it's one of the few decent (or even existing) novels of middle age. I think what it's really about is the problem of living up to your values when you're also an adult with responsibilities and you can't just drop everything to go on a quest or challenge the establishment in the way that young protagonists can.
   
   I recently read a non-fiction piece you might like, Singled Out by Virginia Nicholson. It's not amazingly well written or well researched, but it's about a really interesting topic: women who were born in approx 1890 to 1900 and were unable to find husbands due to all the men of their generation being killed in WW1. So it's kind of a history of 20^th century feminism, in some ways, but it has a lot of testimony from the women concerned, the "ordinary" ones as well as the famous feminists and pioneers.
   
   Anyway, pack some space in your bags when you come here and you can browse my bookshelves and I can see what I can lend you.

I'm happy to provide questions for anyone who'd like some; obviously the quality will depend a bit on how well I know you. I think the optimum for this game is people I know a bit but not really well, because then I can think of something interesting that I don't already know the answer to. But even if you're a total stranger or a close friend of many years, I'll see what I can do.

Comments

[hatam_soferet]

...my hair is about as public-appropriate as my chest

Is interesting since my most vivid memories of your hair being down are Yom Kippur ones.

[liv]

Things that have happened since then: 1] I set it on fire making havdalah motzaei chag. That was one of the years I led all six services completely unaided and I was really out of it by the time I was lighting. 2] I started thinking more seriously about tznius, and paying some attention to the problem that loose hair is a sign of mourning but a sign of sexuality at the same time. I concluded that it's one of those rare cases where I really have to concede there's a relevant gender difference.

My compromise at the moment is that on YK I put it up in a loose ponytail. It looks pretty messy by the end of Kol Nidrei, and certainly by the time I've slept on it and not brushed it properly, it is in no danger of being mistaken for sexy.

[syllopsium]

im not familiar with the vorsovigan saga, but have you read any elizabeth moon? Theres a lot of technical detail on space battles, emotional connection and the protagonist is a strong female character.

I read the serrano trilogy and thoroughly enjoyed it

[sea_bright]

Given how infrequently I post/comment, I feel a bit of a fraud for asking... but if you happen to have the time and inclination, I would quite like some questions.

[khalinche]

Fascinating! Thank you for giving such full, considered and interesting answers to the nine questions I asked you, the five having expanded into subtopics. I look forward to talking them all over with you this weekend :-)

[purplecthulhu]

The Armageddon Rag is one of my favourite books too, but the thing I focus on it is the late 60s history that's in the background of it all. That's not to say that all the things you note aren't true, but the contrast in what we pick up on is very interesting.

[hatam_soferet]

Oh huh, that's really interesting. Thanks for sharing :) *hug*

[liv]

The only Moon I've read is her autism book, Speed of Dark, which is sort of SF but it's basically about a world that's exactly like this one except that scientists have discovered a cure for autism. I plan to get to her space opera type stuff at some point, but it slipped lower down my mental list because I've seen a few episodes of her being a complete Dick on the Internet. I'm not actively boycotting her, just inclined to read other stuff first. Thanks for the rec, though, it's reminded me that I've been planning to look for those books!

[liv]

Oh, not at all a fraud. After all, if my questions give you a prompt to post more, that's a thoroughly good thing! Let's see.

1. What are you doing these days, anyway?
2. You're one of the very people I know who has chosen to stay in Oxford even after you've run out of anything to study there. Can you tell me what's wonderful about Oxford when you're a professional in your 30s rather than a student?
3. What practical skill do you think brings the most happiness, especially for people who are mostly intellectually inclined?
4. Of the books you loved when you were a child, how many of them are still your favourites today? Are there any books you've read after the age of 25 which you love as much as books you discovered as an adolescent?
5. There's a challenge going round to wear only 33 different items of clothing (apart from underwear) for 33 days. Would you find this easy or difficult? If you had to move somewhere with really limited space to store clothes, how would that affect how you dress?

[liv]

It's definitely no hardship to talk about myself! Thanks for giving me stuff to think and post about.

[liv]

I agree, there's an amazing number of different themes in the book. But it's also a tough book to sell to someone who's not necessarily interested in those specific topics. I mean, I don't expect khalinche to be excited about Christian themes, or imaginary rock bands, or LotR, or 60s history. I read it because someone with impeccable taste recced it, but it's hard to imagine any sort of truthful cover blurb or image that would have enticed me to pick it from a shelf. And even Martin's name, well, he's very good, but he's good at a lot of things I'm not looking for in my fiction, such as realistic and detailed descriptions of violence.

[sea_bright]

Thank you! I'm pondering my answers, and shall endeavour to reply over the weekend.

[angelofthenorth]

I'd love some questions...

[forestofglory]

This blog post made me think think of your post. Thought you might enjoy it.

[liv]

Ooh, that's quite a tricky one. I'm not all sure what to pick that I am confident you want to talk about, without being too broad to make a meaningful prompt. Hm.

1. When you encounter a community for the first time, what kind of features would lead you to expect it to be a positive place to live religiously?
2. A fairy godmother offers you the chance to alter something (or several things) about your physical body. Would you take the chance if the magic were irreversible? If you did, what would you want to look like?
3. If someone tried to pretend to be you, say online, what slips would they make that would let people catch them out?
4. What kind of behaviour towards you is most likely to convince you that someone cares about you?
5. Do you have any skills and talents that acquaintances find surprising or unexpected?

[liv]

Ooh, thanks for that! I really like the way Sherwood talks about books, and yes, I am pleased to hear of someone else who loves Armageddon Rag.

[naath]

I like questions :)

answers are good too

[liv]

1. I think of you as something of a Cambridge fixture, but where did you actually come from before you became a Cambridge person?
2. What is the most common wrong assumption for people to make about you?
3. Would you rather pay for luxury treatment and exceptional service, or for someone to save you from having to do unpleasant chores?
4. If there were a heaven and a hell for the internet, what would qualify sites for one or the other?
5. What do you most wish you'd known ten years ago?

[yalovetz]

what drew me to biology was my biochemist mother explaining the facts of life to me when she was pregnant with my siblings (so I was pre-school age), and I found the actual descriptions of sex boring but was really interested in how maternal and paternal gametes combine and express genes which direct the zygote to develop into an embryo and eventually a baby.

Heh, I have a similar story. I remember asking my mum the typical "where did I come from?" question when I was little and getting the usual biological answer. I found this very frustrating, because that was not what I was asking about. What I'd been trying to ask my mum was something more along the lines of "where did my mind come from and how did it end up in this physical body?".

I went on to study philosophy, which you can see suits someone who thought about those sorts of questions as a little kid.

I'd take some questions if you have any for me.