Livre d'Or

This makes sense to me. Remembering the person, especially if I can do it in the company of others with connections to both the deceased and to me, really helps a lot. I think this is why I prefer honest eulogies and obituaries over sugar-coated ones; if everybody has to pretend that the dead person was a perfect saint, it doesn't feel like a meaningful act of remembrance.

And yes, it does make sense to acknowledge that excessive grief doesn't change the situation, so you might as well go on with life. I like that because it also doesn't deny the validity and reality of feelings of grief, but it's pragmatic. I don't want to be forced to be cheerful when I'm missing someone, but I also don't want to be forced to prolong the intense phase of misery in order to show respect.

I'm sure everybody is different, that's partly why I made the post, because it's something that people feel constrained about talking about sometimes and I'm really interested to know what people think.