Livre d'Or

I suppose having a reasonably good idea of how I tend to react to things is quite helpful as well. I know that I tend to not reach a point where I want to cry until some time after everyone else has - and that's fine, I just operate on a different schedule to others. I remember learning of the death of a Mertonian from my matriculation year (you either know who it is or would be able to work it out from Postmaster) in the October of my third year. Late one evening a friend phoned to tell me about it and I hadn't eaten and was hungry and while there was always going to be grief that hurt, I can make things better for myself by remembering stuff like feeding me/sleeping enough etc.

I won't necessarily use the time I've set aside when it's OK for me to cry for that purpose, some of the reason in having allocated time for it is so that I know there will be time/space when I get to be alone and can cry if I want to. It's another bit of how I look after me.

One of the ways I experience grief is as feeling like the whole world is abandoning me; I crave physical contact to remind me than that's not really true. Conversations for me are only likely to be really comforting/distracting if I can talk to people who aren't distressed by my grief or otherwise really upset themselves.

The other useful thing for me is looking for humour in the situation, even if it's a bit wry or not quite there, it helps me.