Livre d'Or

I'm not sure it works just hanging around and seeing whether a relationship lasts, though. I mean, I suppose that's what people do, particularly with non-romantic friendships which usually don't have a formally defined beginning or break-up. But if some of those relationships are supposed to be chosen family bonds, there ought I think to be some kind of discussion of whether people intend to stay together in the long-term, whether as a dyad or a group. At some point I think one needs to know whether a relationship can be relied on; people can be wrong, of course, just as people get married intending the relationship to be life-long and sometimes get divorced anyway.

*nods* I don't think time is the ONLY factor, by any means. And it would help to have a better common vocabulary for such things, certainly. But I seem to find that individual relationships hit some kind of... point of understanding, in the unique vocabulary of that relationship.

Personally, I can put my finger on a couple - three, perhaps, not counting the current partnermancreature - of relationships to which I feel a familial sense of commitment. There are factors of time, intention, common foundation community, and communication involved in all of them. I can clearly remember, for instance, making a pact with my best mate from school that he would be my bridesmaid and I his best man. I just turned down the opportunity to be best man at his second wedding, and I guess that signifies a step down (or out, I think, from something comparable to siblings to something more like cousins?) in our relationship. Another chap, an ex of mine, I declined to date over long distance, being at that stage too young and unaccustomed to lasting friendships to even *picture* what a long-term long distance commitment might look like. A little while after we parted he added me on facebook and the old-style FB check-you-know-this person rubric asked me to confirm 'you are part of L's family'. I did, and we're still talking today. kayloulee and I had so many complicated stages in our friendship-platonic-partnership that I can't put my finger on just one, yet, but we went from a complicated metaphor about sharing a 'mental intranet' to agreeing not to bother explaining to most people that we aren't dating.

On the other hand, I had a triad friendship at one stage who agreed we were 'other thirds', one third of whom split off with all parties comporting themselves badly in the process. The remaining two of us reffered to each other as Wife and had a very intense and painful breakup. So it's not like I reach an understanding with someone and that's it, we're set now.