Livre d'Or

But if I'm trying to discuss what I want, from a Yuletide gift or a fic rec (let alone negotiating with an actual play partner) it's fair enough to mention the things I don't want. I don't want to be pushed into stating everything in a positive way.

Yup. That's why I ended up deciding to exclude ALL smut from my yuletide request. I ended up just saying "I like smut well enough but don't give it to me for christmas". Which is *also* cramping the author's style (perhaps needlessly, as there are many kinds of smut I would like) but it became obvious that not only could one not trust the now-huge body of participants to have a common set of norms, stating positive preferences could come off as pushy and negative ones as discriminatory, and... I gave up.