Livre d'Or

I think I actively avoid fiction featuring Jewish and GSM characters, because my own experiences of those identities are so very complicated and borderline. I generally struggle to identify with Jewish and GSM characters because they tend to be, if not more stereotypical, then at least more well-defined in those identities than I am myself.

One of the things I have struggled with over the years is not having my identity as a Jew and my gender/sexuality be recognised and acknowledged by my family, my community, and by society at large. The fact that I have known these things to be core aspects of myself from my earliest memories means that not having them recognised has been extremely painful for me. I do feel like these particular aspects myself are things that I was born into, but even now a lot of people would deny that this is so. It hurts when people refuse to acknowledge that I was born this way, when I strongly feel that this is the case.

At the same time, I do also acknowledge that no one should have to resort to the "born this way" narrative in order to have their identity recognised. I want all people to be recognised as who they feel themselves to be now, chosen or otherwise, regardless of whether or not they were born that way. I support people's right to choose to identify however they wish and have that choice respected, if they feel like they have the capacity to do so.

So sometimes I worry that my need to be recognised as having been born this way is somehow running counter to my beliefs and that I should let go of that need and try to live by my stated principles instead. It shouldn't matter if people were born a particular way or not, so why does it matter if I was born this way and why does it matter if people are willing or able to acknowledge that that's how I feel? I don't know, but it feels like something that is true and important for me, and it does hurt to not have it seen and accepted.