Livre d'Or

My first reaction to this was to express admiration for all the ways you're good at clothes and appearance. But I don't want to imply that it's just some natural talent that you happen to possess and I don't, it's that you've put a lot of effort into developing those skills. (Can you tell I've been to a seminar on Dweck recently?)

I do take your point about making your own choices based on how you feel and rejecting others' judgement. I think you're right that a lot of religious practices do end up being too much focused on what others think of you (there's a Jewish concept I find very difficult called marat ayin which is almost literally that, you shouldn't do things that are perfectly moral in themselves because you might encourage others to do something that looks similar but is in fact forbidden, and it very easily turns into "what will the neighbours think".) Part of it is related to what I was referring to in my OP, in that religion is good at promoting an ethical community life, and less good at individualism. And that's a good thing for people who generally tend to be selfish and have enough privilege to think they don't need other people, but it's less good for people whose lives are already too much controlled by (fear of) other people's judgement.

The Christian Evangelical example is really interesting too, and yes, that's not the only subculture where modesty rules are about policing the rules and about conformity, and not about the person.

I like the idea of a generous mindset, thank you, and yes, good point about fat people claiming the right to self-expression. I think I am somewhat willing to care about other people's comfort when I choose how I dress, partly because I don't want to have to put a lot of thought into clothes, and if people are uncomfortable then I have to deal with their discomfort. Possibly by challenging it if it comes from a place of thinking that fat women should hide their bodies from view or that any bare skin is sexual, or sometimes by owning my behaviour if I inadvertently but legitimately upset someone. But also partly because I just generally want to be thoughtful about my interactions with other people, and I'm willing to make small compromises about stuff I don't care about very much. I don't habitually wear cropped tops, and I felt slightly odd altering that, but it wasn't a big deal, and in my opinion worth it if it helped my friend to feel more respected?