Livre d'Or

Yeah, I know you're not supposed to invent a Hebrew name the deceased never used. When I've done funerals and especially stone-settings in Stoke I've reminded people that it's perfectly fine and indeed desirable to use an English name in the memorial prayer and to transcribe an English name into Hebrew letters and style for a tombstone. But it was important to Mum to have א-ל מלא רחמים sung fully in Hebrew, and she's the mourner so I didn't argue. But thank you for teaching me that cos you're right, I will be organizing funeral related stuff in future and it's important that I get it right.

And yes, I do know about Shabbat being a break in formal public mourning, that's what I meant about extraordinarily normal. The thing of mourners coming in after לכה דודי is I think not common in Reform shuls, partly because we don't have a clear separation between kabbalat shabbat and maariv. My parents' shul in particular basically just don't do Friday night services at all; they've had a long minhag that Friday nights are for families at home, which yes, I do have some glaring problems with, but that's how they are. That's not a Reform thing, though, that's just that particular community. Since they've opened the building, I believe what used to be the student-led egal minyan has moved to the shul. But since I'm always doing Friday night in Stoke I've not had an opportunity to attend. Anyway, in this case we went to shul on Shabbat morning where that custom doesn't apply.