Dear subconscious,

[liv]

What do you mean, having no job and no serious prospect of a job doesn't provide enough anxiety material? Well, how about an impending very long and complicated flight? My grandmother being ill and lots of other people I care about in difficult situations? Not even geography? There's always geography and ensuing separation from people I need to be near!

With all this, I really don't think there was any call to come up with a nightmare in which LJ was a sinister force of evil. I'm not terribly impressed, and I resent being deprived of restful sleep.

No love.

---

Oh, and the real purpose of this post was to point to my full review of The Worm Ouroboros, inspired by some discussion of the book that got going because I mentioned it in passing in another post.

Update on my life: not much of tremendous import. I've been pottering around a bit, doing some touristy stuff and going out to meals to celebrate various family birthdays. My main achievement is talking to people who might be useful professional contacts (again, details may happen in locked posts). I'm enjoying myself here in spite of last week's catastrophe, but I'm also very much looking forward to going home. Thanks to everyone who's got in touch; it's really good to feel I'm still connected to my people (even if I was a bit grumpy in my previous post).

Comments

[hairyears.livejournal.com]

No love.

Worry about something else: you will never be short of love.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

She won't, but her subconscious isn't allowed any at the moment on account of being a pain in the ares cerebrum.

[liv]

Thank you, that's a really sweet thing to say. You're right, I do have lots of people who love me, and that's way more important than the fact that I don't have a job. I really appreciate this reminder!

(Actually the no love comment was just the usual LJ phrase for signing off an imaginary letter to a person or thing that's pissed the writer off. I meant that I don't love my subconscious for inflicting nasty nightmares on me, rather than that nobody loves me and I should go and eat worms.)

[draconid.livejournal.com]

What? You mean that LJ isn't a sinister force of evil?!?!?

At least you'll have hopefully missed the snow! I've just wasted three hours trying to get to work, and then get home.. and that's with only an inch of the stuff! I bet it's lovely and warm and not at all white there!

[liv]

I missed snow? I can't believe I missed snow! Yes, it is sunny and warm and spring-like here, which I am grateful for, but I thought I was just missing rain and wind and general miserable November weather. Sorry you had a hard time travelling, though.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

Any chance of your coming to Limmud, then? I'm sorry about the job, but you will find something, on account of being eminently employable. Imagine if you'd just got a doctorate in English Literature or something.

[liv]

Limmud? Probably not. I'm trying to figure it out, and ewtikins did make a very good suggestion of going to part of Limmud so I can do both that and my birthday. The problem is travelling there on Christmas day; I just can't see a way I could do that. And getting back on 27^th in time for a lunch party.

And yeah, I guess I am fairly employable. If I start applying for second-rate jobs I'm sure I'll get one, but it's pretty much resigning myself to never amounting to anything much, as a scientist. Maybe that's ok, I would still enjoy getting paid to do science even if I'm never going to be brilliant. But with the background I have, I think I ought to be able to get a good job, not just any old job. It's difficult, knowing what point is the right time to just give up my ambitions.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

Travelling there on Christmas day is indeed a huge bummer, unless anyone from Cam was going and could give you a lift, or unless you could kip in London, like staying at M's place, and you're allowed to do early check-in on Sat pm.

Second-rate jobs: look, you have some theoretical ideas which could do with a little fleshing out, don't you? Say you gave yourself a year - you could do some serious thinking and researching the exciting ideas you have (if you got a paper out of it, so much the better), and when good jobs come along, apply for them. How many really good jobs have you actually interviewed for? You're lucky in that you've got enough funds to wait until a good job comes along - take advantage of that. You haven't been looking very long really.

[liv]

Thank you for being all sensible and good-advice-ish. I know I'm being whiny, and I know it's not really as bad as my emotional reaction would imply. Do you have time to organize to talk to me at some point? I'd appreciate a proper discussion about what I do about career stuff, rather than my just shooting down your actually very sensible points because I'm feeling negative.

Limmud is logistical hell because of Christmas, and I can't stay at M's place but may have some other London contacts if I rack my brains.

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're being whiny, you're in a tough position, even if it's not as tough as you think.

I'm flying in on the 15th and Will isn't getting in until the 20th, and we're spending that Shabbat in Oxford. So you could come and visit in Southampton if you liked (it's going to be a bit chaotic because of various building projects, but whatever, it'll be fine), or come down for Shabbat (we're staying with Adele). That'd be nicer than phone, wouldn't it?

Isn't Noga in London?

[lethargic-man.livejournal.com]

Limmud? Probably not. I'm trying to figure it out, and ewtikins did make a very good suggestion of going to part of Limmud so I can do both that and my birthday. The problem is travelling there on Christmas day; I just can't see a way I could do that. And getting back on 27^th in time for a lunch party.

You could try post on the appropriate Limmud discussion forum (http://www.limmud.org/forum/) when they get around to creating a "travel 2005" one...

[hatam-soferet.livejournal.com]

There's a Limmud LJ community, except no-one's joined it yet

[lethargic-man.livejournal.com]

They I have now - thanks!

[darcydodo]

I didn't know about your granny. When you get home, or when you talk to your parents on the phone, send my regards, if she wouldn't think it inappropriate that I know she's ill.

[liv]

Thank you. I'm actually a bit less worried about Granny than I was, cos last week she was on her own in the house and really unwell, and now she's somewhat recovering and has my parents with her. She has shingles, and lots of other old-age related things wrong with her, but it's the shingles that is causing her miserable pain.

[doseybat.livejournal.com]

we look forward to having you back!

[liv]

*bouncehug* Thank you, I'm really flattered. I am looking forward to your party and then my party, and we should probably get together other than that too.

[(Anonymous)]

Why not put the time you waste composing this drivel to better use? You could change the world, instead of just broadcasting your uninspired musings and the pointless minutia of your tedious life.

[liv]

I'm sorry you find my journal tedious; you are hardly under any obligation to read it. The truth is my journal brings me great joy. It's a way of connecting with the people who matter to me, and that's far more important to me than whether an anonymous stranger finds it interesting.

I have various views about changing the world, which I'm disinclined to discuss with someone who has started out with such a combative tone. If you'd like to engage in a meaningful discussion about bettering the world and putting one's time to good use, I'm certainly interested in input.