Literally Faustian dream

[liv]

I don't normally blog dreams but this one was very vivid, and I want a record of it for my own sake. Feel free to skip if you hate reading other people's dreams.

Mephistopheles showed up to bargain for my soul. My first reaction was that there's nothing I want. I considered my life with a sense of amazed contentment. Refusing him, and it was completely from the heart, felt very powerful.

He stood. Not intimidating, not ingratiating, just very much there. (I've met a few people who have that sort of commanding presence in real life, but they are too moral to take advantage of that.) I couldn't turn my attention away from him even a little, couldn't make the transition between the decision to do so and the will.

I found myself asking for healing for my friends who are sick and dealing with chronic pain. It would have to be a guarantee of real healing, not some cheat like an end to their suffering in the form of their death.

"Don't try to rules lawyer me, this isn't a D&D game. I know your desires better than you can ever formulate them anyway."

I knew he was speaking the truth, and I agreed to the bargain in my heart. My soul, in exchange for healing for those I love. In that moment, I had something like a vision, in cinematic terms it would be a flash-forward, of what the consequences were going to be. It made me understand what direct telepathy would feel like, clear, undeniable communication but at a much deeper level than words.

To my surprise, I didn't become less moral without a soul. I still wanted to do the right thing, indeed I wanted to do as much good as possible to balance the evil I had done in selling my soul. I hoped that the relief of suffering of the people I thought of would count some way in my favour. But I found myself unable to care about my friends any more. I couldn't really rejoice in the end of their pain, I could only coldly and intellectually regret that I hadn't asked for healing for all the sick and injured in the world instead of just the people I formerly cared about. And similarly, when I did do what good I was able to do, I didn't get any satisfaction from it, I just went through things mechanically, my work, my political campaigning, my volunteer stuff. It was as if the bargain left my conscience untouched, but stole all my love and joy.

Ugh. I don't even believe in that mythos anyway.

Comments

[compilerbitch.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's pretty spectacular as dreams go.

All I've been dreaming about recently is boxes, parcel tape and bubble wrap. But not in a good way. ;-)

[liv]

Moving dreams are horrid, they're even worse than travel dreams or exam dreams for being incredibly stressful while simultaneously really boring. I hope you finally managed to get things sorted out, after the movers were so incompetent.

I don't know that spectacular is the word I'd use. Emotionally intense, yes, but it was just a dialogue taking place in one room. If it were a film it would have to be exceptionally well acted in order not to be completely dull.

[smhwpf.livejournal.com]

Yeek.

What a remarkable dream. Unpleasant, but digging up some interesting ideas... one might think one could not be tempted to sell one's soul for wealth, power, fame, etc. - but the healing of one's ill friends... ouch, that would be a scarily tempting bargain. To give up the ability to love to bring about what one's love would most desire for them. Though, "If I give all my goods to feed the poor, and my body to be burnt, but have not love...".

Thankfully, such bargains (I believe, and I expect you too) do not exist, and indeed are probably intrinsically impossible.

Hope that washes from your brain speedily.

[liv]

Ooh, Sandman, how apt. And I like your quote too.

As for what tempts me, unlimited wealth would be nice, but I don't think it would make me enough happier than I currently am to be worth selling my soul for. Fame and success wouldn't be much good to me if I didn't feel I'd earned them. And I wouldn't want a soulless person to have power.

Obviously I don't believe that selling one's soul is possible. I don't even believe it figuratively, because that would require me to accept a bunch of Christian ideas about sin and salvation which don't really make sense to me.

[dampscribbler.livejournal.com]

Wow.

I've never understood people who aren't interested in dreams, I delight in them. What a wonderfully honest assessment from your psyche!

[liv]

Thanks, glad you got something out of my noting this.

I think the reason for finding dreams boring is that a lot of them make no sense at all, and a collection of randomly assorted images isn't interesting unless you're really fascinated by the person whose subconscious produced the images, or unless they're a particularly skilled writer.

Some people always have tightly plotted dreams; I have them occasionally, and they are the only kind I would ever bother discussing or even really remembering.

[curious-reader.livejournal.com]

I am not superstitious either but very down to earth. Psychologist say dreams are what is in your subconscious. It actually says very much positive about you.

[liv]

Thank you, that's very sweet of you. I don't think it really means that I am a good person, just that I think of myself as good person, but still.

I most certainly don't believe that dreams a message from beyond in any way. If they give psychological insights at all, it's mostly in a kind of Rorschach way, how you react to thinking about them and talking about them may be revealing.

[kathrid.livejournal.com]

Similar to the way that Anakin goes over to the dark side in Revenge of the Sith, except that was presented as more selfish.

[liv]

Is that so? Embarrassing though it is, I haven't seen any of Star Wars. I also haven't actually read Dr Faustus or Faust; Jung would love me, I'm sure.