The life of Lev
Nov. 29th, 2011 07:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livA while back, jimhines, (who is generally a worthwhile feminist blogger, though he talks about a lot of other stuff apart from politics), wrote a very cute post about an alternate version of what his life would have been, had he been female. This seems a very cool idea, and I thought I might copy it. The trouble is that I think in most respects my life would have been the same or slightly worse had I been male. Still, a thought provoking exercise.
Just to note, I'm going to assume that Lev's body led people to assume he was male; this exercise is definitely not about trying to appropriate trans experience! I'm also not going to speculate too much about his romantic relationships, since most of the people I've been involved with seriously, and who have shaped who I am, have a strong or exclusive preference for female partners.
Lev had a happy childhood. He was encouraged to read a lot and pursue intellectual interests, and also given plenty of space for physical and even rough play. He probably fought a lot with his younger brothers. Once he started attending school, he came in for some teasing because he couldn't run fast, but when he responded by fighting the people who made the mean comments, the trouble that he got into was so nominal that he took it as tacit encouragement. He spent most of his time playing rough-and-tumble games and kicking balls about, and nobody thought there was anything weird about this. He didn't have to deal much with complex social rules or ever-shifting friendships.
When he moved to an academically selective all-boys school at the age of 8, he found it hard to make friends because he was weedy, nerdy and asthmatic. His willingness to get into fights probably made up for this somewhat. He was mostly praised and respected for being opinionated and challenging teachers; he was probably less praised for academic success that was not matched by sporting prowess. As he moved into teenage years and secondary school, sport started to become more serious and his peers were big enough that physical fighting was no longer a sensible way to resolve differences (I imagine he probably stopped after he got into serious trouble with the authorities, perhaps in response to an injury serious enough to be frightening.) He made a few alliances with other weird, semi-outcast kids, but was never really popular.
When he turned 13 his parents didn't concede on the long-running argument over growing his hair, but made him keep it short. He didn't have much outlet to express his discomfort with too-short hair, and he wouldn't have had the gumption to take on any serious rebellion against gender norms. As it was, being a fat, asthmatic, unathletic teenaged boy got him treated as a fag and a sissy, and he didn't want to buy more trouble. Puberty wasn't kind to him; he was ugly and awkward and uncomfortable in his body. He was totally unsuccessful with girls (who mostly laughed at him), and he had absolutely no framework in which to express his possible attraction to other boys. He had little access to useful information about his sexuality, it was something to be sniggered over, or else seen as rather nasty.
I suppose on the positive side, he didn't have to argue the case to be allowed to inherit his grandfather's tallit when he reached the age of religious majority, or deal with relatives who were slightly unsettled by a boy leading services and generally taking the limelight at his bar mitzvah. Academically he was strongly encouraged in his interests in the sciences, perhaps being pushed more towards the physical sciences and away from life sciences. I think he also continued programming through puberty and got into the geek world earlier, which may have made up for some of his social uncertainties. He wasn't much encouraged in his interest in languages, and his teachers in these subjects were second-rate; most likely he ended up taking physics rather than French A Level.
Supposing he did end up at Oxford reading biochemistry (I think his school might have pushed him more towards chemistry, actually, but let's try to keep the parallels.) He might have hesitated somewhat about applying to a male-dominated college after spending the last 10 years in all-male education, but probably not enough to actually change his preference. I doubt he would have been bothered that both his tutor and his head of college were female professors; most other senior academics he encountered were male. He quickly made like-minded male and female friends through his course (where male and female students were equal in numbers) and his outside interests, and didn't feel much need to socialize in college.
As soon as he got away from home he grabbed the opportunity to grow his hair. Probably stopped shaving too. There weren't many bearded, long-haired guys around but he was fairly indifferent to standing out. He lived in t-shirts and jeans and his lack of interest in clothes was never an issue. Exploring his bi identity wasn't easy; he took a long time to find a gay social group who were supportive and not obsessed with appearance and trying to rack up as many partners as possible. He experienced a fair amount of overt homophobia, especially when he started an intense and very visible relationship with a man from another college.
His experiences in the Oxford community led him to dabble in Orthodox Judaism, though he made good connections with the Masorti and Liberal groups. His religious knowledge was respected and he was asked to lead services in all three communities, in spite of his lack of musical ability.
After graduating he went on to do a PhD. He didn't have any concerns about buying a cheap flat in a dodgy area of Dundee, and nobody expressed horror when he walked about on his own after dark. Other than that his PhD experience was very similar to mine. He enjoyed public speaking and thrived in an academic environment that was equally supportive to all young scientists. He fell quite naturally into leading the local Orthodox community and none of the traditionalists had any complaints about his contributions.
Perhaps he didn't get turned down at the last minute for a post-doc job he'd been all but promised. Maybe he just had that slight edge of presumption of competence which would have made the difference. Then again, perhaps his earlier bad experience with learning languages meant that he didn't have the confidence to move to Sweden when his other job fell through. Or if he did, he didn't particularly notice the difference in attitude there, didn't pay much attention to the assumption that children are everyone's responsibility and the ensuing reduced level of discrimination against mothers and women in general.
On the other hand, he probably kicked up a fuss when problems with the Institute got in the way of his research, and was taken seriously. He was also instantly respected by the Taiwanese PhD student he was supposed to be working with, and didn't have to pull rank to make up for being female. As a result he probably published more successfully. That in turn made him more confident and more employable when he came to look for academic jobs. Though it's likely that he didn't have as much teaching and community service on his CV; I expect he ended up doing a strong second post-doc at a research institute such as the Beatson in Glasgow.
In general he doesn't have to defend his choice not to have children. He is considered reasonably domesticated since he knows how to cook and keeps his living space acceptably clean and tidy. At the same time he still comes in for some amount of grief for being openly bisexual (though things are improving), and for wearing his hair long. Though at least he doesn't have pregnancy nightmares.
I think doing this exercise could be a useful way of thinking about sexism and perhaps avoid getting entangled in pointless debates about terms like "privilege". Also, it's always fun to imagine alternate versions of your own history. (Somewhat easier for me since I do have brothers, so the early part of the story at least is fairly possible to predict!)
jimhines, (who is generally a worthwhile feminist blogger, though he talks about a lot of other stuff apart from politics), wrote a very cute post about an alternate version of what his life would have been, had he been female. This seems a very cool idea, and I thought I might copy it. The trouble is that I think in most respects my life would have been the same or slightly worse had I been male. Still, a thought provoking exercise. Just to note, I'm going to assume that Lev's body led people to assume he was male; this exercise is definitely not about trying to appropriate trans experience! I'm also not going to speculate too much about his romantic relationships, since most of the people I've been involved with seriously, and who have shaped who I am, have a strong or exclusive preference for female partners.
Lev had a happy childhood. He was encouraged to read a lot and pursue intellectual interests, and also given plenty of space for physical and even rough play. He probably fought a lot with his younger brothers. Once he started attending school, he came in for some teasing because he couldn't run fast, but when he responded by fighting the people who made the mean comments, the trouble that he got into was so nominal that he took it as tacit encouragement. He spent most of his time playing rough-and-tumble games and kicking balls about, and nobody thought there was anything weird about this. He didn't have to deal much with complex social rules or ever-shifting friendships.
When he moved to an academically selective all-boys school at the age of 8, he found it hard to make friends because he was weedy, nerdy and asthmatic. His willingness to get into fights probably made up for this somewhat. He was mostly praised and respected for being opinionated and challenging teachers; he was probably less praised for academic success that was not matched by sporting prowess. As he moved into teenage years and secondary school, sport started to become more serious and his peers were big enough that physical fighting was no longer a sensible way to resolve differences (I imagine he probably stopped after he got into serious trouble with the authorities, perhaps in response to an injury serious enough to be frightening.) He made a few alliances with other weird, semi-outcast kids, but was never really popular.
When he turned 13 his parents didn't concede on the long-running argument over growing his hair, but made him keep it short. He didn't have much outlet to express his discomfort with too-short hair, and he wouldn't have had the gumption to take on any serious rebellion against gender norms. As it was, being a fat, asthmatic, unathletic teenaged boy got him treated as a fag and a sissy, and he didn't want to buy more trouble. Puberty wasn't kind to him; he was ugly and awkward and uncomfortable in his body. He was totally unsuccessful with girls (who mostly laughed at him), and he had absolutely no framework in which to express his possible attraction to other boys. He had little access to useful information about his sexuality, it was something to be sniggered over, or else seen as rather nasty.
I suppose on the positive side, he didn't have to argue the case to be allowed to inherit his grandfather's tallit when he reached the age of religious majority, or deal with relatives who were slightly unsettled by a boy leading services and generally taking the limelight at his bar mitzvah. Academically he was strongly encouraged in his interests in the sciences, perhaps being pushed more towards the physical sciences and away from life sciences. I think he also continued programming through puberty and got into the geek world earlier, which may have made up for some of his social uncertainties. He wasn't much encouraged in his interest in languages, and his teachers in these subjects were second-rate; most likely he ended up taking physics rather than French A Level.
Supposing he did end up at Oxford reading biochemistry (I think his school might have pushed him more towards chemistry, actually, but let's try to keep the parallels.) He might have hesitated somewhat about applying to a male-dominated college after spending the last 10 years in all-male education, but probably not enough to actually change his preference. I doubt he would have been bothered that both his tutor and his head of college were female professors; most other senior academics he encountered were male. He quickly made like-minded male and female friends through his course (where male and female students were equal in numbers) and his outside interests, and didn't feel much need to socialize in college.
As soon as he got away from home he grabbed the opportunity to grow his hair. Probably stopped shaving too. There weren't many bearded, long-haired guys around but he was fairly indifferent to standing out. He lived in t-shirts and jeans and his lack of interest in clothes was never an issue. Exploring his bi identity wasn't easy; he took a long time to find a gay social group who were supportive and not obsessed with appearance and trying to rack up as many partners as possible. He experienced a fair amount of overt homophobia, especially when he started an intense and very visible relationship with a man from another college.
His experiences in the Oxford community led him to dabble in Orthodox Judaism, though he made good connections with the Masorti and Liberal groups. His religious knowledge was respected and he was asked to lead services in all three communities, in spite of his lack of musical ability.
After graduating he went on to do a PhD. He didn't have any concerns about buying a cheap flat in a dodgy area of Dundee, and nobody expressed horror when he walked about on his own after dark. Other than that his PhD experience was very similar to mine. He enjoyed public speaking and thrived in an academic environment that was equally supportive to all young scientists. He fell quite naturally into leading the local Orthodox community and none of the traditionalists had any complaints about his contributions.
Perhaps he didn't get turned down at the last minute for a post-doc job he'd been all but promised. Maybe he just had that slight edge of presumption of competence which would have made the difference. Then again, perhaps his earlier bad experience with learning languages meant that he didn't have the confidence to move to Sweden when his other job fell through. Or if he did, he didn't particularly notice the difference in attitude there, didn't pay much attention to the assumption that children are everyone's responsibility and the ensuing reduced level of discrimination against mothers and women in general.
On the other hand, he probably kicked up a fuss when problems with the Institute got in the way of his research, and was taken seriously. He was also instantly respected by the Taiwanese PhD student he was supposed to be working with, and didn't have to pull rank to make up for being female. As a result he probably published more successfully. That in turn made him more confident and more employable when he came to look for academic jobs. Though it's likely that he didn't have as much teaching and community service on his CV; I expect he ended up doing a strong second post-doc at a research institute such as the Beatson in Glasgow.
In general he doesn't have to defend his choice not to have children. He is considered reasonably domesticated since he knows how to cook and keeps his living space acceptably clean and tidy. At the same time he still comes in for some amount of grief for being openly bisexual (though things are improving), and for wearing his hair long. Though at least he doesn't have pregnancy nightmares.
I think doing this exercise could be a useful way of thinking about sexism and perhaps avoid getting entangled in pointless debates about terms like "privilege". Also, it's always fun to imagine alternate versions of your own history. (Somewhat easier for me since I do have brothers, so the early part of the story at least is fairly possible to predict!)
