The life of Lev
Nov. 29th, 2011 07:36 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livA while back, jimhines, (who is generally a worthwhile feminist blogger, though he talks about a lot of other stuff apart from politics), wrote a very cute post about an alternate version of what his life would have been, had he been female. This seems a very cool idea, and I thought I might copy it. The trouble is that I think in most respects my life would have been the same or slightly worse had I been male. Still, a thought provoking exercise.
Just to note, I'm going to assume that Lev's body led people to assume he was male; this exercise is definitely not about trying to appropriate trans experience! I'm also not going to speculate too much about his romantic relationships, since most of the people I've been involved with seriously, and who have shaped who I am, have a strong or exclusive preference for female partners.
Lev had a happy childhood. He was encouraged to read a lot and pursue intellectual interests, and also given plenty of space for physical and even rough play. He probably fought a lot with his younger brothers. Once he started attending school, he came in for some teasing because he couldn't run fast, but when he responded by fighting the people who made the mean comments, the trouble that he got into was so nominal that he took it as tacit encouragement. He spent most of his time playing rough-and-tumble games and kicking balls about, and nobody thought there was anything weird about this. He didn't have to deal much with complex social rules or ever-shifting friendships.
When he moved to an academically selective all-boys school at the age of 8, he found it hard to make friends because he was weedy, nerdy and asthmatic. His willingness to get into fights probably made up for this somewhat. He was mostly praised and respected for being opinionated and challenging teachers; he was probably less praised for academic success that was not matched by sporting prowess. As he moved into teenage years and secondary school, sport started to become more serious and his peers were big enough that physical fighting was no longer a sensible way to resolve differences (I imagine he probably stopped after he got into serious trouble with the authorities, perhaps in response to an injury serious enough to be frightening.) He made a few alliances with other weird, semi-outcast kids, but was never really popular.
When he turned 13 his parents didn't concede on the long-running argument over growing his hair, but made him keep it short. He didn't have much outlet to express his discomfort with too-short hair, and he wouldn't have had the gumption to take on any serious rebellion against gender norms. As it was, being a fat, asthmatic, unathletic teenaged boy got him treated as a fag and a sissy, and he didn't want to buy more trouble. Puberty wasn't kind to him; he was ugly and awkward and uncomfortable in his body. He was totally unsuccessful with girls (who mostly laughed at him), and he had absolutely no framework in which to express his possible attraction to other boys. He had little access to useful information about his sexuality, it was something to be sniggered over, or else seen as rather nasty.
I suppose on the positive side, he didn't have to argue the case to be allowed to inherit his grandfather's tallit when he reached the age of religious majority, or deal with relatives who were slightly unsettled by a boy leading services and generally taking the limelight at his bar mitzvah. Academically he was strongly encouraged in his interests in the sciences, perhaps being pushed more towards the physical sciences and away from life sciences. I think he also continued programming through puberty and got into the geek world earlier, which may have made up for some of his social uncertainties. He wasn't much encouraged in his interest in languages, and his teachers in these subjects were second-rate; most likely he ended up taking physics rather than French A Level.
Supposing he did end up at Oxford reading biochemistry (I think his school might have pushed him more towards chemistry, actually, but let's try to keep the parallels.) He might have hesitated somewhat about applying to a male-dominated college after spending the last 10 years in all-male education, but probably not enough to actually change his preference. I doubt he would have been bothered that both his tutor and his head of college were female professors; most other senior academics he encountered were male. He quickly made like-minded male and female friends through his course (where male and female students were equal in numbers) and his outside interests, and didn't feel much need to socialize in college.
As soon as he got away from home he grabbed the opportunity to grow his hair. Probably stopped shaving too. There weren't many bearded, long-haired guys around but he was fairly indifferent to standing out. He lived in t-shirts and jeans and his lack of interest in clothes was never an issue. Exploring his bi identity wasn't easy; he took a long time to find a gay social group who were supportive and not obsessed with appearance and trying to rack up as many partners as possible. He experienced a fair amount of overt homophobia, especially when he started an intense and very visible relationship with a man from another college.
His experiences in the Oxford community led him to dabble in Orthodox Judaism, though he made good connections with the Masorti and Liberal groups. His religious knowledge was respected and he was asked to lead services in all three communities, in spite of his lack of musical ability.
After graduating he went on to do a PhD. He didn't have any concerns about buying a cheap flat in a dodgy area of Dundee, and nobody expressed horror when he walked about on his own after dark. Other than that his PhD experience was very similar to mine. He enjoyed public speaking and thrived in an academic environment that was equally supportive to all young scientists. He fell quite naturally into leading the local Orthodox community and none of the traditionalists had any complaints about his contributions.
Perhaps he didn't get turned down at the last minute for a post-doc job he'd been all but promised. Maybe he just had that slight edge of presumption of competence which would have made the difference. Then again, perhaps his earlier bad experience with learning languages meant that he didn't have the confidence to move to Sweden when his other job fell through. Or if he did, he didn't particularly notice the difference in attitude there, didn't pay much attention to the assumption that children are everyone's responsibility and the ensuing reduced level of discrimination against mothers and women in general.
On the other hand, he probably kicked up a fuss when problems with the Institute got in the way of his research, and was taken seriously. He was also instantly respected by the Taiwanese PhD student he was supposed to be working with, and didn't have to pull rank to make up for being female. As a result he probably published more successfully. That in turn made him more confident and more employable when he came to look for academic jobs. Though it's likely that he didn't have as much teaching and community service on his CV; I expect he ended up doing a strong second post-doc at a research institute such as the Beatson in Glasgow.
In general he doesn't have to defend his choice not to have children. He is considered reasonably domesticated since he knows how to cook and keeps his living space acceptably clean and tidy. At the same time he still comes in for some amount of grief for being openly bisexual (though things are improving), and for wearing his hair long. Though at least he doesn't have pregnancy nightmares.
I think doing this exercise could be a useful way of thinking about sexism and perhaps avoid getting entangled in pointless debates about terms like "privilege". Also, it's always fun to imagine alternate versions of your own history. (Somewhat easier for me since I do have brothers, so the early part of the story at least is fairly possible to predict!)
jimhines, (who is generally a worthwhile feminist blogger, though he talks about a lot of other stuff apart from politics), wrote a very cute post about an alternate version of what his life would have been, had he been female. This seems a very cool idea, and I thought I might copy it. The trouble is that I think in most respects my life would have been the same or slightly worse had I been male. Still, a thought provoking exercise. Just to note, I'm going to assume that Lev's body led people to assume he was male; this exercise is definitely not about trying to appropriate trans experience! I'm also not going to speculate too much about his romantic relationships, since most of the people I've been involved with seriously, and who have shaped who I am, have a strong or exclusive preference for female partners.
Lev had a happy childhood. He was encouraged to read a lot and pursue intellectual interests, and also given plenty of space for physical and even rough play. He probably fought a lot with his younger brothers. Once he started attending school, he came in for some teasing because he couldn't run fast, but when he responded by fighting the people who made the mean comments, the trouble that he got into was so nominal that he took it as tacit encouragement. He spent most of his time playing rough-and-tumble games and kicking balls about, and nobody thought there was anything weird about this. He didn't have to deal much with complex social rules or ever-shifting friendships.
When he moved to an academically selective all-boys school at the age of 8, he found it hard to make friends because he was weedy, nerdy and asthmatic. His willingness to get into fights probably made up for this somewhat. He was mostly praised and respected for being opinionated and challenging teachers; he was probably less praised for academic success that was not matched by sporting prowess. As he moved into teenage years and secondary school, sport started to become more serious and his peers were big enough that physical fighting was no longer a sensible way to resolve differences (I imagine he probably stopped after he got into serious trouble with the authorities, perhaps in response to an injury serious enough to be frightening.) He made a few alliances with other weird, semi-outcast kids, but was never really popular.
When he turned 13 his parents didn't concede on the long-running argument over growing his hair, but made him keep it short. He didn't have much outlet to express his discomfort with too-short hair, and he wouldn't have had the gumption to take on any serious rebellion against gender norms. As it was, being a fat, asthmatic, unathletic teenaged boy got him treated as a fag and a sissy, and he didn't want to buy more trouble. Puberty wasn't kind to him; he was ugly and awkward and uncomfortable in his body. He was totally unsuccessful with girls (who mostly laughed at him), and he had absolutely no framework in which to express his possible attraction to other boys. He had little access to useful information about his sexuality, it was something to be sniggered over, or else seen as rather nasty.
I suppose on the positive side, he didn't have to argue the case to be allowed to inherit his grandfather's tallit when he reached the age of religious majority, or deal with relatives who were slightly unsettled by a boy leading services and generally taking the limelight at his bar mitzvah. Academically he was strongly encouraged in his interests in the sciences, perhaps being pushed more towards the physical sciences and away from life sciences. I think he also continued programming through puberty and got into the geek world earlier, which may have made up for some of his social uncertainties. He wasn't much encouraged in his interest in languages, and his teachers in these subjects were second-rate; most likely he ended up taking physics rather than French A Level.
Supposing he did end up at Oxford reading biochemistry (I think his school might have pushed him more towards chemistry, actually, but let's try to keep the parallels.) He might have hesitated somewhat about applying to a male-dominated college after spending the last 10 years in all-male education, but probably not enough to actually change his preference. I doubt he would have been bothered that both his tutor and his head of college were female professors; most other senior academics he encountered were male. He quickly made like-minded male and female friends through his course (where male and female students were equal in numbers) and his outside interests, and didn't feel much need to socialize in college.
As soon as he got away from home he grabbed the opportunity to grow his hair. Probably stopped shaving too. There weren't many bearded, long-haired guys around but he was fairly indifferent to standing out. He lived in t-shirts and jeans and his lack of interest in clothes was never an issue. Exploring his bi identity wasn't easy; he took a long time to find a gay social group who were supportive and not obsessed with appearance and trying to rack up as many partners as possible. He experienced a fair amount of overt homophobia, especially when he started an intense and very visible relationship with a man from another college.
His experiences in the Oxford community led him to dabble in Orthodox Judaism, though he made good connections with the Masorti and Liberal groups. His religious knowledge was respected and he was asked to lead services in all three communities, in spite of his lack of musical ability.
After graduating he went on to do a PhD. He didn't have any concerns about buying a cheap flat in a dodgy area of Dundee, and nobody expressed horror when he walked about on his own after dark. Other than that his PhD experience was very similar to mine. He enjoyed public speaking and thrived in an academic environment that was equally supportive to all young scientists. He fell quite naturally into leading the local Orthodox community and none of the traditionalists had any complaints about his contributions.
Perhaps he didn't get turned down at the last minute for a post-doc job he'd been all but promised. Maybe he just had that slight edge of presumption of competence which would have made the difference. Then again, perhaps his earlier bad experience with learning languages meant that he didn't have the confidence to move to Sweden when his other job fell through. Or if he did, he didn't particularly notice the difference in attitude there, didn't pay much attention to the assumption that children are everyone's responsibility and the ensuing reduced level of discrimination against mothers and women in general.
On the other hand, he probably kicked up a fuss when problems with the Institute got in the way of his research, and was taken seriously. He was also instantly respected by the Taiwanese PhD student he was supposed to be working with, and didn't have to pull rank to make up for being female. As a result he probably published more successfully. That in turn made him more confident and more employable when he came to look for academic jobs. Though it's likely that he didn't have as much teaching and community service on his CV; I expect he ended up doing a strong second post-doc at a research institute such as the Beatson in Glasgow.
In general he doesn't have to defend his choice not to have children. He is considered reasonably domesticated since he knows how to cook and keeps his living space acceptably clean and tidy. At the same time he still comes in for some amount of grief for being openly bisexual (though things are improving), and for wearing his hair long. Though at least he doesn't have pregnancy nightmares.
I think doing this exercise could be a useful way of thinking about sexism and perhaps avoid getting entangled in pointless debates about terms like "privilege". Also, it's always fun to imagine alternate versions of your own history. (Somewhat easier for me since I do have brothers, so the early part of the story at least is fairly possible to predict!)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 07:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 10:20 am (UTC)They would have made even more fuss about my wish to grow my hair than they did in this reality, but I wouldn't have had the support of general social expectations on my side to be able to challenge that. I wouldn't have had that awful quoted at me whenever I got over-excited and spoke too loudly. But otherwise, I think very much the same. Also this thing where all toys available ever are strictly gender divided wasn't so prominent when I was a child; it was much more possible to find generic toys. School would have been very different, particularly because I was in single-sex education.
Anyway, yes, you should definitely post a version of this. I'm really hoping it will become a meme!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 09:54 am (UTC)I'd probably be paranoid about getting female partners pregnant, possibly to the point of choosing to be in-practice gay inspite of my bisexuality.
I may have stayed with the Catholic church longer, although being Queer probably not. I don't expect my church-going would have survived university in any case.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 10:32 am (UTC)School-wise, I don't know if single-sex education in the abstract was good for me, or would have been good for me if I were a boy. Since I was at the Perse I can directly compare my school with the boys' equivalent. Lev would have had more emphasis on sport and less, but still plenty, on academic success. He would have had good physics and IT teaching and poor maths and languages teaching; I expect that it's fairly common for girls' schools to be better at languages and worse at physics, but the maths thing was just my school. So educationally, Lev would have been slightly worse off but not horribly so. Socially, though, I reckon it's much harder to be a gender non-conforming and uncoordinated boy than a gender non-conforming and unsporty girl. And I think that's probably true in general, not just a function of my specific school experience.
I don't know if I would be as paranoid about a female partner getting pregnant as I am about myself getting pregnant. That's a thought-provoking comment, though; it's quite possible I would, especially as I'm not really in favour of elective abortion and obviously as a man I wouldn't have any say in that issue. Whether that would have driven me to choose only sleeping with men I'm not sure, but I can definitely relate to that sentiment.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 10:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 01:21 pm (UTC)I think the single sex, science-focused school is a real microcosm. I mean, girls such as you or me get the advantage of a school where there is specific encouragement towards science, and arguably the advantage of being shielded from competition by louder, more confident boys. Our alternative reality male equivalents didn't get that particular boost, but one might argue that they didn't really need it, since academically able boys get plenty of encouragement towards science anyway. You see the same argument playing out about all kinds of programmes and resources specifically for women; do they give women an advantage, perhaps even an unfair advantage, or do they simply provide women with something that men would naturally have anyway by virtue of being male? I don't think there's a simple answer to that, honestly. Depends on lots of things.
I think being not-sporty in a boys' private school is not in itself social death, though it probably does make things more awkward. Being really uncoordinated and unfit for any sort of physical exercise, as I was as a teenager, would be more of a problem. I mean, it's not like you have to be in the 1st XV to make friends, but you have to be able to kick a ball about in the playground and not get out of breath after 2 minutes. Also there's a gender policing issue; as a girl, I was simply not sporty, but my guess is that my male equivalent, in an all-male environment, would have been seen as not properly masculine, and this would have been a bigger problem for him.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 01:56 pm (UTC)This was about my experience. In some American high schools (based on my TV watching), it seems sports are ridiculously fetishised because inter-school comptetitions can be a big deal, and in the case of college football, massively commericialised. It's like they looked at the amateur/professional division in sports, and said "you know what this needs? it needs to be more ridiculous!", and hence created a siutation where schools have the greatest incentive possible to coddle and discriminate in favour of their athletes, while stigmatising any suggestion that it was anything other than a friendly compeition with rampant villification. Um, excuse the random rant. The point is, I went to a reasonably nice school, and there's certainly no great idolising of people who are good at sports (there's not really an "in" crowd at all), but conversely it looks a bit odd if you're uncomfortable participating at all, or if you don't a football team to support. Caring a lot about it is looked at as a bit over-zealous, "why would you care", but there's a minor expectation of a minimal standard of competence.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-11-30 02:58 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-12-01 06:51 pm (UTC)