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livI'm just about the most extroverted person I know, certainly one of the most extroverted. I have an unlimited desire and nearly an unlimited capacity for human interaction, and I have the trait which is typical but not universal for extroverts, that I pretty much always want to be talking about anything and everything. I have a job that most days involves a lot of interacting with people, and I come home wanting more contact so I use the internet to facilitate more conversations.
Considering I am more extroverted than nearly everyone else, I am well used to the idea that not everybody feels the same as me! I have set up my life so that I hopefully don't get too clingy with any one person, and if someone needs a break from my company and incessant chattering, I can go and find someone else to talk to. But I'm not always very good at intuiting when a more introverted person would like me to shut up and go away. The internet is helpful because it doesn't enforce my company on people, everyone can choose to respond to my posts and comments or not. But it's unhelpful in that it doesn't always give me cues or hints that I need to be giving someone a bit more space. So I would very much appreciate it if you could tell me if I'm getting wearing or even annoying. I do try to work it out on my own, but I don't always succeed; I won't be offended if you remind me.
While I'm on the subject (and yes, I do talk about myself a lot; I talk about other stuff too, but me-me-me is an area where I don't run out of things to say!): I come from the intersection of several cultures where you show respect by arguing with people. As a result of these character traits, if I like someone or think they're nifty, I am likely to want to talk to them all the time, hang out with them as often as possible, find out lots of stuff about them and so on. And if they say something interesting, my immediate response is usually to pick holes, to look for edge cases and couterexamples.
I'm also very confident; I have quite a lot of the sense often described as "male privilege", that by default I expect people to find what I have to say interesting and relevant. (This is part of the reason I don't fit very well in women's spaces, particularly not feminist safe spaces or consciousness-raising type set-ups.) This can mean that I unintentionally bulldoze and overwhelm people. But on the positive side, I'm really really thick-skinned, so you can tell me I'm being irritating or confrontational or overly pushy and I won't take it as a blow to my self-esteem, just a helpful pointer that will allow me to modify my behaviour around you. 'Shut up and let me get a word in edgewise' is always acceptable, as is 'shut up and let me think' or 'leave me alone, I've run out of energy for interacting any further'.
I should also add that because I largely tend to seek out friends similar to myself, or at least people who have a degree of tolerance for a personality like mine, hanging around with my crowd either virtually or in person can be a bit overwhelming for introverts and shy people. And particularly on this blog, I encourage divergent opinions and debate, though I appreciate that not everybody finds that fun, especially when the topic has painful emotional significance.
So yes, I am aware of this, and I am aware that it can be a problem sometimes. My apologies if I ever do impose too much on your time and energy, or if I seem to be shooting you down through inappropriate expressions of enthusiasm.
Considering I am more extroverted than nearly everyone else, I am well used to the idea that not everybody feels the same as me! I have set up my life so that I hopefully don't get too clingy with any one person, and if someone needs a break from my company and incessant chattering, I can go and find someone else to talk to. But I'm not always very good at intuiting when a more introverted person would like me to shut up and go away. The internet is helpful because it doesn't enforce my company on people, everyone can choose to respond to my posts and comments or not. But it's unhelpful in that it doesn't always give me cues or hints that I need to be giving someone a bit more space. So I would very much appreciate it if you could tell me if I'm getting wearing or even annoying. I do try to work it out on my own, but I don't always succeed; I won't be offended if you remind me.
While I'm on the subject (and yes, I do talk about myself a lot; I talk about other stuff too, but me-me-me is an area where I don't run out of things to say!): I come from the intersection of several cultures where you show respect by arguing with people. As a result of these character traits, if I like someone or think they're nifty, I am likely to want to talk to them all the time, hang out with them as often as possible, find out lots of stuff about them and so on. And if they say something interesting, my immediate response is usually to pick holes, to look for edge cases and couterexamples.
I'm also very confident; I have quite a lot of the sense often described as "male privilege", that by default I expect people to find what I have to say interesting and relevant. (This is part of the reason I don't fit very well in women's spaces, particularly not feminist safe spaces or consciousness-raising type set-ups.) This can mean that I unintentionally bulldoze and overwhelm people. But on the positive side, I'm really really thick-skinned, so you can tell me I'm being irritating or confrontational or overly pushy and I won't take it as a blow to my self-esteem, just a helpful pointer that will allow me to modify my behaviour around you. 'Shut up and let me get a word in edgewise' is always acceptable, as is 'shut up and let me think' or 'leave me alone, I've run out of energy for interacting any further'.
I should also add that because I largely tend to seek out friends similar to myself, or at least people who have a degree of tolerance for a personality like mine, hanging around with my crowd either virtually or in person can be a bit overwhelming for introverts and shy people. And particularly on this blog, I encourage divergent opinions and debate, though I appreciate that not everybody finds that fun, especially when the topic has painful emotional significance.
So yes, I am aware of this, and I am aware that it can be a problem sometimes. My apologies if I ever do impose too much on your time and energy, or if I seem to be shooting you down through inappropriate expressions of enthusiasm.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-11-21 06:24 pm (UTC)I don't not-like social; I just hit burnout in crowds fairly quickly, and I get nervous talking about myself too much.
I don't quite not-want-attention; my waist-length hair is dyed teal-green. But that doesn't put the attention on *me* as a person; people comment on the hair, and the person wearing it is a nonentity. But I haven't been able to come up with a veil-ish thing that puts the attention on the clothing and not on me.