R' Sheila Shulman, 1936 - 2014
Oct. 27th, 2014 04:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livI've had a generally wonderful weekend, a chance to relax at home properly for the first time in too long, and time with friends and some new potentials opening up. And I was just catching up with some social media during a quieter moment Sunday afternoon and learned that my teacher R' Sheila Shulman had died at the weekend. She'd been seriously ill, and she wasn't far off 80, and after I'd seen several posts I realized that when people were talking about "saying goodbye" to her, they meant literally, not just being sad at the news of her death, but actually present, she was surrounded by her students and friends and colleagues, a substantial fraction of the people whose lives she changed. So I can say, blessed is Judge of truth, and it tastes less bitter than some of the times I have to say it. But I can't wholeheartedly believe in a good death, because the person is gone no matter at what age and in what circumstances.
There isn't a proper obit for the rabbi up yet, people are linking to this Rainbow Jews piece, a fairly recent autobiographical interview she gave. There are transcripts at the link if you want the information; I made myself listen to at least a couple of sentences of her actual voice, the timbre ruined by smoking and the accent unrooted by her life lived all over the world. There's rather a lovely picture of her too, which strikes me as strange because in life she wasn't lovely, she was... the word that comes to mind is butch, but I don't know if she ever claimed that identity, anyway she actively rejected beauty as society defines it.
She was placed as a student rabbi at my synagogue when I was 10-ish. And really, not like anyone's idea of a rabbi; journalists take great delight in bestowing epithets like "chain-smoking radical lesbian rabbi", and yes, she was all those things, but she was unusual in less soundbite-y ways. She was well into her 50s when she began training as a rabbi, and she came from totally outside the establishment and the community mainstream, and never really conformed to anyone's expectations of a religious professional. She was radiantly intelligent and totally unpretentious, she didn't conform to the academic establishment any more than the religious one. And she never adjusted her manner to get people to like her, she just knew what was right and pursued it. I remember her arguing with my mother over, I suppose in modern terms we'd term it "calling her on her heterosexual privilege", but it wasn't anything that slick, nobody had that sort of language in suburban England in the 80s.
I didn't even slightly grok her when I was 10, I didn't even know what a lesbian was or why anyone had a problem with this. But she took me seriously at least to the point of not making anything easier or softer because I happened to be a kid, and that was important to me. Since then I've had a few scattered opportunities to learn from her, and she's taught me some deeply important things not so much about sexual politics but about suffering. This week is the exact anniversary of my bat mitzvah, the weekend we read the Torah portion I learned, Lech Lecha, which deals with the call of Abraham. A few years after that when I was a teenager belatedly confronting the understanding that the world isn't fair, and reeling, I learned from R' Shulman some interpretations about the rabbinic understanding of Abraham which didn't help but did give me a connection to a tradition which at least in some places takes these things seriously and doesn't just give you a glib theodicy. And a few years later again I learned from her the midrash where mother Rachel leaps up from her grave and challenges God on God's lack of compassion, and God weeps for
In the end, R' Shulman's deeply honest and rigorous read of midrash is one of the important anchors that has made it possible for me to continue to be Jewish, knowing there is an option for religion to engage with reality rather than retreat from it or sanitize it. Even when I was too little to understand what she was getting at all, just seeing a glimpse of a religion that goes beyond cute stories for children made a lot of difference to me.
She did another thing, though, less personal but more important, to make Progressive Judaism a home for me. She fought and fought and fought for the community to stop excluding gay and lesbian Jews. Probably other parts of the LGBTQ+ spectrum too, but gays and lesbians specifically. She forced the community to confront the issue of same-sex marriage long before secular society even had a clue this was possible. And more, it's thanks to her that a whole generation of gay men were ordained as rabbis in the 1990s and onwards; she not only fought the authorities and fairly entrenched institutional homophobia of organized religion at that time, but she fought the personal demons of all these men who had gone through their lives believing their sexuality was sinful and that they could never be better than marginally accepted in Judaism. And those rabbis have shaped what the movements are, really profoundly, and many of them I'm proud to call my teachers personally. It's in huge part due to Sheila that whenever people have asked me whether religion is inherently hostile to GSM folk, I've been able to answer confidently, of course not, homophobia isn't even slightly a central part of religion, look at all these out gay men in leadership positions in my denomination.
Because of Sheila I didn't have to leave Judaism when I came out, or even really come into conflict with it. Because of her, and the people she encouraged to be rabbis when they weren't the obvious type, I didn't give up on Judaism as being simplistically comforting superstition or a club for "people like us". Because of her and her influence, I'm able to be open to joy from an unexpected place, and to come to those potentials from a place of spiritual integrity. It's traditional to wish when reporting a death,
There isn't a proper obit for the rabbi up yet, people are linking to this Rainbow Jews piece, a fairly recent autobiographical interview she gave. There are transcripts at the link if you want the information; I made myself listen to at least a couple of sentences of her actual voice, the timbre ruined by smoking and the accent unrooted by her life lived all over the world. There's rather a lovely picture of her too, which strikes me as strange because in life she wasn't lovely, she was... the word that comes to mind is butch, but I don't know if she ever claimed that identity, anyway she actively rejected beauty as society defines it.
She was placed as a student rabbi at my synagogue when I was 10-ish. And really, not like anyone's idea of a rabbi; journalists take great delight in bestowing epithets like "chain-smoking radical lesbian rabbi", and yes, she was all those things, but she was unusual in less soundbite-y ways. She was well into her 50s when she began training as a rabbi, and she came from totally outside the establishment and the community mainstream, and never really conformed to anyone's expectations of a religious professional. She was radiantly intelligent and totally unpretentious, she didn't conform to the academic establishment any more than the religious one. And she never adjusted her manner to get people to like her, she just knew what was right and pursued it. I remember her arguing with my mother over, I suppose in modern terms we'd term it "calling her on her heterosexual privilege", but it wasn't anything that slick, nobody had that sort of language in suburban England in the 80s.
I didn't even slightly grok her when I was 10, I didn't even know what a lesbian was or why anyone had a problem with this. But she took me seriously at least to the point of not making anything easier or softer because I happened to be a kid, and that was important to me. Since then I've had a few scattered opportunities to learn from her, and she's taught me some deeply important things not so much about sexual politics but about suffering. This week is the exact anniversary of my bat mitzvah, the weekend we read the Torah portion I learned, Lech Lecha, which deals with the call of Abraham. A few years after that when I was a teenager belatedly confronting the understanding that the world isn't fair, and reeling, I learned from R' Shulman some interpretations about the rabbinic understanding of Abraham which didn't help but did give me a connection to a tradition which at least in some places takes these things seriously and doesn't just give you a glib theodicy. And a few years later again I learned from her the midrash where mother Rachel leaps up from her grave and challenges God on God's lack of compassion, and God weeps for
the King who prospered in his youth, yet in his old age no longer prospered. Sometimes it's as true to say that God is indifferent or God is powerless as that God is omnipotent, compassionate, ultimately good.
In the end, R' Shulman's deeply honest and rigorous read of midrash is one of the important anchors that has made it possible for me to continue to be Jewish, knowing there is an option for religion to engage with reality rather than retreat from it or sanitize it. Even when I was too little to understand what she was getting at all, just seeing a glimpse of a religion that goes beyond cute stories for children made a lot of difference to me.
She did another thing, though, less personal but more important, to make Progressive Judaism a home for me. She fought and fought and fought for the community to stop excluding gay and lesbian Jews. Probably other parts of the LGBTQ+ spectrum too, but gays and lesbians specifically. She forced the community to confront the issue of same-sex marriage long before secular society even had a clue this was possible. And more, it's thanks to her that a whole generation of gay men were ordained as rabbis in the 1990s and onwards; she not only fought the authorities and fairly entrenched institutional homophobia of organized religion at that time, but she fought the personal demons of all these men who had gone through their lives believing their sexuality was sinful and that they could never be better than marginally accepted in Judaism. And those rabbis have shaped what the movements are, really profoundly, and many of them I'm proud to call my teachers personally. It's in huge part due to Sheila that whenever people have asked me whether religion is inherently hostile to GSM folk, I've been able to answer confidently, of course not, homophobia isn't even slightly a central part of religion, look at all these out gay men in leadership positions in my denomination.
Because of Sheila I didn't have to leave Judaism when I came out, or even really come into conflict with it. Because of her, and the people she encouraged to be rabbis when they weren't the obvious type, I didn't give up on Judaism as being simplistically comforting superstition or a club for "people like us". Because of her and her influence, I'm able to be open to joy from an unexpected place, and to come to those potentials from a place of spiritual integrity. It's traditional to wish when reporting a death,
may her soul be bound up in the bond of lifeIt seems to me that R' Shulman's soul, the things she dedicated herself to so wholeheartedly against all opposition, really is bound up in the life of the community. My community, for all its flaws.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 05:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 05:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 05:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 05:45 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 05:59 pm (UTC)she sounds like the perfect fit for you at a time you needed it. I'm going to wander over and read her interviews now.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 06:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 06:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 06:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 07:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 07:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 10:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 12:11 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-30 01:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-30 03:27 pm (UTC)And what it means is that I really appreciate having DW-friends who know my religious context and can say the right things at a time when I'm dealing with a sadness. I love having non-Jewish friends too, and people who don't know the formulas that my culture uses but still express sympathy anyway. 'I'm sorry for your loss' is completely fine by me. But this feels like a community grief as well as a personal one so it is comforting to have that connection here.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-27 11:00 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 12:14 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 12:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 03:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-29 02:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-29 02:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 04:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 04:41 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 10:19 pm (UTC)May he make his face to shine upon her
and be gracious unto her.
That was a beautiful, elegant piece of writing. Thank you for sharing something so personal.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-29 10:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-28 10:49 pm (UTC)There's rather a lovely picture of her too, which strikes me as strange because in life she wasn't lovely, she was... the word that comes to mind is butch, but I don't know if she ever claimed that identity, anyway she actively rejected beauty as society defines it.
The word that springs to mind is "handsome" but it strikes me that it's rather tangly.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-29 10:46 am (UTC)It's that Sheila kind of had negative charisma, is about the best way I can describe it. (That's one of the ways that she wasn't much like people's idea of a rabbi, you generally expect that the kind of people who go into ministry are either naturally good at connecting to people or at least put effort into learning that.) But it affects the way people looked at her physical appearance too, like she almost projected an aura of her appearance not being available for other people's enjoyment? So it's strange to see a portrait in artistic black and white with slightly over-saturated lighting and a generally flattering set-up. Not because it misgenders her, that's really not a particularly feminine portrait at all, but for the simple fact that it presents her as visually appealing.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-29 11:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-30 03:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-30 02:10 pm (UTC)All I have, is the question of what might have been, if I had been influenced by someone like her, as part of my religious upbringing...
(no subject)
Date: 2014-10-30 03:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2014-11-12 07:57 pm (UTC)