Modern memes are rubbish

[liv]

Facebook memes are so much less fun than the old-school LJ kind (and those annoying kids should get off my virtual lawn). Anyway, ghoti ranted about that awful 27 ways to love me FB meme, which is barely even a meme, it's just a series of stock photos of young, thin, apparently white and heterosexual couples with banal words printed on them in a font that looks slightly less dated than Impact. Ten years ago it would have been a quiz where you could select which of the 27 things apply to you, much more fun, and much less assuming that all relationships are the same, and all women want things that can easily be marketed to them.

So in the spirit of 2006, I am going to transplant the meme to DW, and I'm going to make up my own list of 27 things, not just click share on an extruded marketing product, and I'm going to write the list in text not images of words. And I'm not going to assume that all love is coupley romantic love or a prize for young pretty people who buy the right things. And I'm not going to call it ways to love me because I can't decide for anyone else how they should experience love, but rather ways to make me feel loved, because I do know my own reactions.

1. Have conversations with me, talk about anything and everything.
2. Express clear preferences for how much and what sort of physical affection you like; personally I'm happy with a really wide range as long as I know.
3. Tell me about you, your life, your interests, everything.
4. Share books with me. Recommend books, lend me books, read books I love, talk about books.
5. Take my ideas and opinions seriously and argue with me when I'm wrong.
6. Make me cups of tea.
7. Stand up to me and don't be intimidated when I'm loud and confident.
8. Act like we're a team when it comes to completing practical tasks, including planning how to share things out fairly.
9. Appreciate my family and my close friends.
10. Ask me to explain things to you that I know about.
11. Be your authentic self around me, don't wear a mask or try to be the person you think I want you to be.
12. When I'm upset or sick, distract me by talking about interesting stuff, don't fuss over me.
13. Tell me how you're feeling, and don't hide your negative emotions from me.
14. Put effort in so that we can spend time together.
15. Be direct with me and ask for what you want.
16. Sing and make music around me, even if I can't reciprocate.
17. Laugh at my jokes.
18. Appreciate my intense enthusiasms.
19. Study texts with me chevruta style.
20. Let me know if I've done something that bothers or upsets you.
21. Play with words and intellectual wit.
22. Point out interesting or cool things you come across.
23. Teach me new skills.
24. Encourage me when I'm finding things difficult.
25. Introduce me to your people.
26. Take the initiative to get back in touch if I drop the ball.
27. Comment on my journal posts!

Wow, 27 things is a lot of things. That was interesting to think about, though, instead of being annoyed with the cheesy banal FB meme.

Currently reading: Ghost spin, by Chris Moriarty. I'm enjoying the writing and the beautifully detailed world-building, even though I am a bit annoyed by the set-up for this third book in the trilogy.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I like the list though I might go for another old meme and do a care and feeding of Miriam post.

Comments are a really good thing especially when reciprocated :)

[liv]

Sounds like a plan. I did like those care and feeding things, they often led to learning something interesting about the people who posted them.

[ewt]

I like the way you took a crummy thing on a horrid medium and made it better.

I think given my current fragility it is perhaps better if I don't attempt to complete the meme immediately, myself.

[liv]

Thank you, that's a really nice thing to say! I am sorry you're fragile at the moment. I might have some contacts who could put you in touch with a source of support, so I'll let you know if anything comes to anything.

[ambyr]

It's a good list!

I have a post I've been poking at for a while now about what makes me feel valued as a non-entangled partner...I should finish poking at it and actually post it somewhere.

[liv]

Thank you! I would be really interested to read about your perspective as a non-entangled partner (lovely phrase, thank you, it describes something I really need a better word for than 'secondary' or 'non-serious').

[gool_duck]

I like this list. I appreciate reading about things that make you feel loved.


I am not enjoying the small anxious "do I do this? Have I done that? am I good enough?" brainweasel, and I am ... tolerating the other small voice wandering in, justifying - rationalising , actually - things I tend not to do. I tend not to sing in company because I do not have the hearing to tell when I am in tune.

Calling anxious thoughts 'brainweasels' is fun, because it makes way to build upon this metaphor by summoning a big bird of prey - say, an archaeopteryx - who spreads her wings wide and yells "Awwrk! Awwrk!" and scares the brainweasels away.

[liv]

Yay, thank you for liking my list. I am sorry for setting off brainweasels, and yes, I agree, it's a really helpful metaphor. I meant to make it clear that there's no one right way to express love for everybody, which is why I was grumpy about the original meme. Some people hate bluntness and tea and would not at all enjoy many of the things I've suggested. Also I don't at all expect all 27 things on this list from any one person, not even my partners.

[cjwatson]

Good list!

I finished the first of the Abraham stories you got me a couple of months ago. Such an original piece of worldbuilding, very impressed, keen to get round to reading more.

:-)

[liv]

Ooh, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I agree, the worldbuilding is really exceptional. I took a bit of a risk getting you the whole quartet when I wasn't sure if you'd like them, but given that you generally enjoy long fantasy series I reckoned it was worth a try.

Re: :-)

[rysmiel]

Yay another transitive recommendation success. *bounce*

[switterbeet]

I'm going to do this meme! It's indeed way more interesting in the individualized way, although I feel like I'll likely be sharing many of your points. :) I think I will x-post it to tumblr since I'm very interested in what some of my friends would post (another bonus!) and more of them are active there. /spread the loveee