Plague diary 23/03: Lockdown

[liv]

Well, as they say, that escalated quickly.

Day 5 (Friday): Stayed home all day with jack. We ordered takeaway for our date night while we still can. The delivery guy wore a proper facemask.

Day 6 (Saturday): Woke up feeling kind of grim. Decided, on consultation with my partners, that I was fairly sure it was just a cold, so we agreed I would go ahead with my planned evening with cjwatson and the children.

In the morning I virtually 'attended' a livestreamed service, which is a really really new thing for my community who normally ban telecoms and electronics on the Sabbath. It was weird, but I felt good for praying with the community even if I wasn't actually interacting with them directly. In the afternoon I did a virtual play readthrough over Zoom, organized by the lovely wildeabandon. It was really really fun, and I got to see the faces of friends I haven't seen for ages, as well as a couple of internet acquaintances I had no mental image of previously. The play was Loves labours lost and I played a couple of small but fun roles, Lady Katharine, a slightly bitchy court woman, and Sir Nathaniel, a pompous curate.

And then I walked to my partners' house, and it was sunny and seemed basically normal. Plus I was feeling completely better by mid afternoon. I took a winding route to stay most of 2m away from any other pedestrians. We played Labyrinth and watched TV and I stayed the night.

In the morning (Sunday) there was more TV and another game, Robot turtles, a sort of cut-down, child-friendly version of Robo Rally, which the children have got much better at since we last played. And we walked part way together to metamour's house where there was mother's day planned, which I didn't join in with, I went home to jack. We went out to the local shop, I walked with him to enjoy the spring weather and he did the actual shopping, as I'm in theory more vulnerable than him.

Sunday evening I did my chevruta (traditional paired Jewish text study), which has always been online because my partner is in New York, and we had a long and pleasant video call with some old friends of jack's I don't see often enough.

Today, day 8, well, jack and I stayed home, mostly working. And anxiously watching the news of how most of the country treated the weekend as a bonus bank holiday and flocked to tourist spots and crowded into parks and gardens. It was kind of obvious the restrictions would have to get stricter, if that was how people were interpreting more gentle restrictions.

Then they cancelled the daily "briefing" (I haven't really been listening to them as it's mostly just our incompetent prime minister waffling with no substance) for a COBRA meeting. I carried out my intended plan of collecting Judith from OSOs' for a Hebrew lesson, and am I ever glad I did. Because as of an hour ago, and starting from tonight, we're no longer allowed out at all except for "essential" purposes. And we're explicitly no longer allowed to meet friends and family. So I don't know how long it will be before I get to hug my partners again.

In a way, lockdown isn't very different from how we were already behaving, with one vulnerable person in each of our three houses (me and metamour have asthma, girlfriend is pregnant). We were already going out only once a day for exercise, we were already only visiting shops to buy, like, food. But what it has taken away from us is that we can no longer bounce between the three houses, treating the polycule as a closed pod. I think our behaviour for the past week has been safe. If I walk a kilometre to my partners' house, that's no different from walking a kilometre in a random direction to get exercise. But the problem is everybody thinks they're an exception, (and multi-household poly relationships are never thought of in official rulings), so now it's forbidden.

The announcement says three weeks, but I think what's actually going to happen is that people will again not take the restrictions seriously and it will have to be extended.

Personal status: I thought I was doing ok, and the tighter restrictions are almost certainly necessary and not really a surprise. But it hurts.
Social circle tally: three cases, including one person I see face to face (though not for at least a month). 8 mostly online acquaintances with suspicious symptoms.

Comments

[worlds_of_smoke]

-offers all the hugs-

[falena]

I'm sorry this is going to be so hard for you personally and your partners and family. *hugs*

[redbird]

Yeah, that's hard.

Right now I'm not seeing adrian_turtle because she is sick with something that is probably this virus but might be flu. I'm wondering whether, by the time it's medically safe/reasonable for me to see her, we'll still be able to (it's three miles as the crow flies, 3.5 by pedestrian-suitable streets. That's more than I can count on walking, and usually I visit her rather than the other way around. If the MBTA is still running, we're good, but I can't even say "if it's still running in X days," because I don't know what X will be.

[kass]

Sunday evening I did my chevruta (traditional paired Jewish text study), which has always been online because my partner is in New York

Yes. I learned today with my chevruta who is in another state, and it was lovely how normal that felt -- we always meet up over FaceTime.

[ambyr]

Trying to figure out how to approach geographically distributed poly households in the age of pandemic is complicated and stressful, and I'm not convinced there's one right answer. Good luck to you and yours.

[cesy]

+1

[shreena]

I think it's the same as for any couples who don't live together.

[ambyr]

I think there are a lot of similarities, yes!

I think it is more common for monogamous people to start cohabitating when things get “serious” and less common (though not unheard of!) for monogamous people to deliberately live in solo homes while developing lifelong, deeply entangled relationships. Cutting off access to partners is more likely to cause serious logistical challenges in the latter case. There are many basic household items and tools that my partners and I own _one_ between us, and while some are things I can do without for months (no power drill, fine, home improvement can wait) others are more complicated. For one basic example: I don’t have home Internet. When I need to download something I walk a few blocks to my partner’s place. Not being able to do that in this brave new world where it’s assumed everyone can telecommute and stream everything is going to be tricky. Separating our households is the logistical equivalent of telling a long-term married couple that they need to split their possessions between them...at a time when the strained supply line makes buying replacements difficult.

[damerell]

I seem to remember a wise person of my acquaintance warning me things might escalate quickly.

I think the trouble with polycule-as-closed-pod - as you know, I'm in a similar boat - is it's very hard to have nonzero risk and the bigger your pod, the worse that is. Ideally even monocules wouldn't be closed pods except if people live together they don't have a lot of choice. This may be a bit Captain Obvious.

[warriorsavant]

TBH, the "not talk to people outside of work" rule is not much of a hardship for me. However, I understand the difference between "don't want to," and "can't."

[sfred]

<3 I agree that it seems likely to be extended. Sorry it's so hard.

[ayebydan]

I'm sorry you are being cut off this way. It is so frustrating to see people continue to behave recklessly. I agree that I foresee an extension and even stricter rules before all of this is up.