Plague diary 11/04
Apr. 11th, 2020 02:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livStill basically fine, but this one is a bit whiny.
I'm losing track of everything I'm trying to count. This is:
Day 27 since I started counting from vaguely serious government measures.
Day 19 since lockdown and since I last interacted with anyone other than jack.
Day 9 since I had maybe suspicious symptoms and since jack and I last left the house.
Day 3 since jack and I ended internal isolation from each other.
Day 2 of the Omer. In the first century a plague was lifted on 33rd day; I somehow doubt we are going to be allowed out for picnics a month from now, but it's nice to imagine.
Even though everybody has been incredibly lovely, I'm kind of struggling a bit.
The first couple of days when I thought I might have symptoms, I had basically continuous lung soreness, but no other real symptoms, I wasn't tired or achy or feverish or coughing much more than normal. And since then the lung soreness hasn't completely gone away but it's become intermittent. So I'm not at all certain whether I was ever actually sick, and I'm also not at all certain whether, if I was infected, I'm now better. I feel that morally, we really need to isolate for at least a couple of weeks. Past Thursday (2 full weeks of isolation) I really don't know; I'm not exactly better but maybe I was never infected / infectious in the first place.
I'm a very sedentary person normally, but the complete absence of any physical activity was starting to get to me. During internal isolation I mostly stayed upstairs andjack downstairs, and for 9 days I have lost out on my permitted walks. So I have been getting a bunch of minor problems like back-ache, poor sleep, feeling lethargic; I think these are symptoms of under-exercising and not of the hypothetical virus which I probably don't have. I've tried to get a bit more serious about doing what exercise I can in the back garden, which yes, I know we are very privileged to have. So yesterday I started a C25K equivalent thing, replacing the running intervals with climbing on a stepper machine. That seems to be good, it provides resistance without putting strain on my lungs like climbing hills or stairs sometimes can. And I'm alternating that with some really basic strength exercises (at the moment not even weighted).
So as I reported, the start of Passover on Wednesday-Thursday was lovely. But yesterday, Friday (26 days at home) I found really hard. I'm missing the part of the festivals that happens after the intense liturgical stuff, when I get to spend relaxed time with my people. The middle of Passover, when at least some of my scattered family are still gathered and the seder is done and we can just hang out together. And this year that time happens to exactly span the Easter bank holiday weekend. Normally what happens is that I really revel in Friday and Saturday to focus entirely onjack; work is closed and doesn't need either of us, and our Christian partners are busy with the solemn bit of the Triduum, and most of our friends are either likewise Christian, or they're also on holiday. I am definitely enjoying jack's company but it doesn't feel like a treat this year when it's been just us two for nearly 3 weeks. And in a normal year we then get Sunday and Monday to hang out with OSOs and the children, as guests at their dinner and Easter egg hunt and other relaxed celebrations.
I know a lot of people have cancelled much more exciting bank holiday plans, for lots of people it's the only time they get away for a family holiday, or they were going to travel somewhere exciting, and a good number of my friends are missing Eastercon, and Christians are dealing with a very thin version of what should be a major festival. So I feel very ungrateful for being sad that I miss the umbra of the festival, just an afternoon of family time in one of our homes. But I do miss that, it turns out.
jack admitted, after more than 12 years together, that he doesn't actually like matzo brei. At which point I cried all over him, which probably retroactively justified his never previously mentioning that he doesn't like my Pesach treat. But it's not really the omelette, it's all the treats I'm missing this year. I don't even get my slightly subversive reduced price chocolate eggs this year since the police have apparently decided that buying Easter eggs is a crime. And the timing of isolation means we're a bit low on fresh vegetables, and I'm definitely not going to go hungry but I am going to have a sad Pesach once we run out of my sister's cakes.
jack fixed the practical issue by finding orgs and friends who are willing to deliver fresh vegetables to us. Co-op now do small, limited deliveries, and I followed up rmc28's suggestion of making an order from Kale and Damson who have temporarily switched from supplying the restaurant trade to delivering fresh produce to individual homes, and wonderful ceb really kindly agreed to bring us some mushrooms and other veg to tide us over the bank holiday weekend until the rest shows up. Oh, and J found some Pesach-suitable chocolate in our last big shopping order; I'm not desperately attached to my ordinary milk chocolate being egg-shaped and chocolate is good for feeling weepy and despairing.
Today I am less sad, partly because I'm remembering, and able, to bulk out what I eat during the week when snacks are scarce, and adequate blood sugar does wonders for my mood. But I'm still kinda sad. Lonely, mostly. And not currently coping too well with the uncertainty of when I can consider myself safe to return to the slightly less oppressive regime of being allowed out once a day. Or if I'll even get that at all because we might get a tighter lock-down by the time I'm confident I'm not infectious.
Also nearly a thousand reported deaths yesterday. I think we're not counting deaths thoroughly or consistently, but in as far as that means anything, I have some hope that it's a peak reflecting three weekends ago when everyone was having one last hurrah because the government implemented and communicated lockdown in a really ineffectual way, like announcing on Friday afternoon that the bars would be closed after Friday evening trade, and telling people to go to parks but not gather there. And personally, I have in fact been distancing from others for most of three weeks. Most of a month really; I was only interacting with OSOs for more than a week before even that was forbidden. So either whatever's wrong with me this week is in fact a mild case of Covid, or else I'm in a situation where there's a reasonable chance I will remain uninfected.
I'm very well aware that things could be a lot worse. I'm stuck in a pleasant house with a person I like a lot. And we have a nice garden where I can enjoy the sunshine. We are both being paid our full salary, because we are in fact both able to achieve meaningful work from home. And I have lots of friends who are willing to put in the time and effort to make contact through various telecommunication means. So I feel really self-indulgent even recording that I have a sad this weekend, but hey, I've been whining on this journal for 17 years now.
I'm losing track of everything I'm trying to count. This is:
jack.jack and I last left the house. jack and I ended internal isolation from each other. Even though everybody has been incredibly lovely, I'm kind of struggling a bit.
The first couple of days when I thought I might have symptoms, I had basically continuous lung soreness, but no other real symptoms, I wasn't tired or achy or feverish or coughing much more than normal. And since then the lung soreness hasn't completely gone away but it's become intermittent. So I'm not at all certain whether I was ever actually sick, and I'm also not at all certain whether, if I was infected, I'm now better. I feel that morally, we really need to isolate for at least a couple of weeks. Past Thursday (2 full weeks of isolation) I really don't know; I'm not exactly better but maybe I was never infected / infectious in the first place.
I'm a very sedentary person normally, but the complete absence of any physical activity was starting to get to me. During internal isolation I mostly stayed upstairs and
jack downstairs, and for 9 days I have lost out on my permitted walks. So I have been getting a bunch of minor problems like back-ache, poor sleep, feeling lethargic; I think these are symptoms of under-exercising and not of the hypothetical virus which I probably don't have. I've tried to get a bit more serious about doing what exercise I can in the back garden, which yes, I know we are very privileged to have. So yesterday I started a C25K equivalent thing, replacing the running intervals with climbing on a stepper machine. That seems to be good, it provides resistance without putting strain on my lungs like climbing hills or stairs sometimes can. And I'm alternating that with some really basic strength exercises (at the moment not even weighted).So as I reported, the start of Passover on Wednesday-Thursday was lovely. But yesterday, Friday (26 days at home) I found really hard. I'm missing the part of the festivals that happens after the intense liturgical stuff, when I get to spend relaxed time with my people. The middle of Passover, when at least some of my scattered family are still gathered and the seder is done and we can just hang out together. And this year that time happens to exactly span the Easter bank holiday weekend. Normally what happens is that I really revel in Friday and Saturday to focus entirely on
jack; work is closed and doesn't need either of us, and our Christian partners are busy with the solemn bit of the Triduum, and most of our friends are either likewise Christian, or they're also on holiday. I am definitely enjoying jack's company but it doesn't feel like a treat this year when it's been just us two for nearly 3 weeks. And in a normal year we then get Sunday and Monday to hang out with OSOs and the children, as guests at their dinner and Easter egg hunt and other relaxed celebrations. I know a lot of people have cancelled much more exciting bank holiday plans, for lots of people it's the only time they get away for a family holiday, or they were going to travel somewhere exciting, and a good number of my friends are missing Eastercon, and Christians are dealing with a very thin version of what should be a major festival. So I feel very ungrateful for being sad that I miss the umbra of the festival, just an afternoon of family time in one of our homes. But I do miss that, it turns out.
jack admitted, after more than 12 years together, that he doesn't actually like matzo brei. At which point I cried all over him, which probably retroactively justified his never previously mentioning that he doesn't like my Pesach treat. But it's not really the omelette, it's all the treats I'm missing this year. I don't even get my slightly subversive reduced price chocolate eggs this year since the police have apparently decided that buying Easter eggs is a crime. And the timing of isolation means we're a bit low on fresh vegetables, and I'm definitely not going to go hungry but I am going to have a sad Pesach once we run out of my sister's cakes. jack fixed the practical issue by finding orgs and friends who are willing to deliver fresh vegetables to us. Co-op now do small, limited deliveries, and I followed up rmc28's suggestion of making an order from Kale and Damson who have temporarily switched from supplying the restaurant trade to delivering fresh produce to individual homes, and wonderful ceb really kindly agreed to bring us some mushrooms and other veg to tide us over the bank holiday weekend until the rest shows up. Oh, and J found some Pesach-suitable chocolate in our last big shopping order; I'm not desperately attached to my ordinary milk chocolate being egg-shaped and chocolate is good for feeling weepy and despairing. Today I am less sad, partly because I'm remembering, and able, to bulk out what I eat during the week when snacks are scarce, and adequate blood sugar does wonders for my mood. But I'm still kinda sad. Lonely, mostly. And not currently coping too well with the uncertainty of when I can consider myself safe to return to the slightly less oppressive regime of being allowed out once a day. Or if I'll even get that at all because we might get a tighter lock-down by the time I'm confident I'm not infectious.
Also nearly a thousand reported deaths yesterday. I think we're not counting deaths thoroughly or consistently, but in as far as that means anything, I have some hope that it's a peak reflecting three weekends ago when everyone was having one last hurrah because the government implemented and communicated lockdown in a really ineffectual way, like announcing on Friday afternoon that the bars would be closed after Friday evening trade, and telling people to go to parks but not gather there. And personally, I have in fact been distancing from others for most of three weeks. Most of a month really; I was only interacting with OSOs for more than a week before even that was forbidden. So either whatever's wrong with me this week is in fact a mild case of Covid, or else I'm in a situation where there's a reasonable chance I will remain uninfected.
I'm very well aware that things could be a lot worse. I'm stuck in a pleasant house with a person I like a lot. And we have a nice garden where I can enjoy the sunshine. We are both being paid our full salary, because we are in fact both able to achieve meaningful work from home. And I have lots of friends who are willing to put in the time and effort to make contact through various telecommunication means. So I feel really self-indulgent even recording that I have a sad this weekend, but hey, I've been whining on this journal for 17 years now.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 03:13 pm (UTC)Person #1s sprained ankle
does not magically stop hurting
because person #2 has a broken leg
or because person #3 has a broken spine...
You're allowed to feel sad about the current circumstances. It's normal and healthy.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 03:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 03:26 pm (UTC)And you absolutely still can have an Easter egg! They are still in shops, the police have no right to deny them to anyone, and they've had to walk back some of their more draconian threats like that. Quite rightly so, too.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 03:56 pm (UTC)The shops are selling Easter Eggs.
Please obtain an Easter Egg and enjoy it.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 04:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 05:02 pm (UTC)"They have it worse" might mean being careful about who you complain to, but that's different. You miss your OSOs, and I haven't seen Adrian in weeks and miss her, and that's not solved or cancelled by having
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 07:14 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 07:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 07:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-11 07:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-12 10:54 am (UTC)We've been self-isolating since I flew back from Ireland on March the 10th: I have mild-to-moderate asthma and my risk of dying from COVID-19 is somewhere between 5% and 10%.
Cause for caution, then: but not, thankfully, fatalism or terror.
You are not the only person who is ever such a little bit annoyed by the gaps in the reported statistics, and moronic behaviour by a section of the population.
Like you and Jack, I would say that we are very fortunate - and very privileged - in how self-isolating and working from home is turning out.
And no, I have no way of knowing whether this sniffle for a couple of days, or that cough, or a bit of tight-chested and 'rough' breathing was The Coronavirus, or a milder cousin, or something else.
Or nothing, because we're all a bit nervous, and a hay-fever sufferer with slightly dodgy lungs gets low-level stuff all the time and it means nothing at all.
So: out into the sunshine, for a *lot* of overdue work on the back garden, and a life with some good things in it, and a few magical ones.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-12 12:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-04-12 06:43 pm (UTC)