Birthday

[liv]

I am generally not feeling sparkly or enthusiastic, for probably obvious reasons. It's my 43^rd birthday in ten days and I haven't even started organizing anything. So I'm going to resort to asking the the internet to make my decisions for me like we're back in the 2000s.

Poll #26459 Birthday

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 31

View Respondents

What should Liv do to celebrate her birthday?

View Answers

Meetup in a park for local people
6 (20.0%)

Specifically invite local people to a party in the garden
10 (33.3%)

Zoom party
7 (23.3%)

Party using some other social software eg Discord, GatherTown, shared spreadsheet, watch party
9 (30.0%)

Stay home with the bubble and have a chill day
13 (43.3%)

Find somewhere which still does outdoor dining and invite a small group for a celebratory meal
2 (6.7%)

Order in celebratory food
20 (66.7%)

Arrange individual calls with friends throughout the day
12 (40.0%)

Skip birthday this year as it's all too depressing
0 (0.0%)

SEWIWEIC
1 (3.3%)

I might be interested in coming to:

View Answers

Park meetup near Cambridge, England
3 (18.8%)

Garden party in Cambridge, England
2 (12.5%)

Zoom party during daytime GMT
7 (43.8%)

Zoom party in the evening GMT
9 (56.2%)

Low-key online party mainly using text, not video
9 (56.2%)

Playing online versions of board games
4 (25.0%)

Watch party for a film or show
6 (37.5%)

Individual chat to wish Liv happy birthday and catch up
8 (50.0%)

Considerations:

• We are in a really hellacious omicron wave, with cases both nationally and locally higher than they have ever been previously during the pandemic. I'm not going to do anything involving travel or indoor socializing, and I'm not even sure I should be doing outdoor socializing, especially not if it involves increasing the risk to employees.
• It's the middle of Christmas, specifically the bank holiday after the Christmas weekend; lots of people who might otherwise want to hang out with me are going to be busy.
• December in the South of England is usually cold but not unbearably so; I expect temperatures of around 5-10°C, so it's possible (though not really pleasant) to socialize outdoors if you have a decent coat, but it's also quite likely to be windy or raining.

The ever-wonderful ghoti_mhic_uait has arranged a fun birthday-related activity for a couple of days later, involving an outdoor light show. That might still be cancelled because of plague, but I'm reasonably hopeful that I will get a birthday treat even if I ignore the actual day.

On some level I am aware that I shouldn't listen to generally low mood after months and months of hermitting and gradually draining away any hope of the plague situation improving at all. I almost certainly will feel better if I have some kind of social contact, but I'm desperately short of motivation and energy to arrange anything. I don't really fancy a cold miserable outdoor gathering, and I don't really fancy yet another video call even though I really enjoyed the one I did for my 42^nd.

Anyway, what should I do? Words of encouragement greatly appreciated

Comments

[ephemera]

Would meeting up outside for a walk / bike ride / photo exploration / with a specific individual or two feel more ?intentional? and less like something that you're being "forced" to do outside rather than inside because of the situation? (An outdoor light show sounds awesome - *fingers crossed*)

[liv]

I think that's a really good idea; if I do something that's intentionally outside, rather than just miserably sitting in a beer garden wishing we could be indoors, I will feel a lot better about it. I'm getting less hopeful of the lightshow even in the couple of days since I posted, but anyway, I have the outline of a birthday plan, thank you for suggesting.

[emperor]

I think having something fun to look forward to would be good, and outside socials are pretty low plague-risk.

[I'm away for the two bank holidays myself, but I expect there will be folk around]

[liv]

Good point. I hope you enjoy your bank holidays away. I am a little nervous because a) I'm not sure how sure we are that Omicron doesn't spread outside, and b) since I got my second jab I've been fairly cavalier about things that are 95% outside but involve a little bit of going in to a building eg to order food or drinks or use the toilet. That's probably still fine but I'm no longer confident of doing mostly-outside as opposed to completely outside things, at least until booster. Which is booked for this week but not 10 days before my birthday.

[ambyr]

I have no idea what a party in a shared spreadsheet would look like but I immediately want to attend one.

[liv]

Spreadsheet parties are great! I think I don't have the energy to organize one right now, but the idea is that you make tabs in the spreadsheet with party-related themes, and people post suggestions and chat in the spreadsheet cells.

So we've had, for example:

Dance hall: one column has 5 minute slots, people post links to tunes against a time, and anyone who feels like dancing clicks on the tune for the current time slot and dance simultaneously even if they can't see each other

Costumes: people post photos of what they're wearing directly into the spreadsheet and compliment each others' outfits

Games: people play parlour games. Guessing games work particularly well, you can do I Spy, 20 Questions, Zendo, etc, basically with people typing their guesses into the next cell of the column until the leader tells them they're right. and because of the tabular format, you can play multiple games simultaneously if you want to.

Gallery: people post links to virtual exhibits at museums, and guests visit them and chat about them with comments for each museum in its own column

Decorations: people post patterns and banners and things in the spreadsheet cells

Chat: spreadsheet works like a kind of 2 dimensional threaded chat. That is, I type in column A, people reply to me in subsequent cells in that column. Another person may start a convo about a different topic in column B, and so on.

Basically it needs a critical mass of people who are willing to throw themselves into the spirit of it, but it's a lot less exhausting than giving your full attention to a video call.

[rosefox]

Re Zoom parties, I've found that scripted things are great—everyone teaming up to read an episode of a mutually enjoyed TV show or a play or something—because there's no cross-talk and people can choose parts based on how much or how little they want to participate.

[liv]

I absolutely love Zoom script readthroughs, they've been one of my favourite social activities through the pandemic. I find they are quite a lot of work to organize though; you need to choose a script, and probably type-set it for use or at least make sure everybody has a copy, and allocate the parts, and it sort of needs people to commit in advance whether they're coming or not. If I had energy and enthusiasm left after this awful slog of a second pandemic year, I'd definitely do it, so thank you for the suggestion, but I think I'm just too tired right now.

[rosefox]

I completely understand, and I'm so sorry it's been such a slog.

[ewt]

No idea what to do, but I hope you find something that is reasonably safe and also feels celebratory.

[liv]

Thank you. It's looking more and more like we're going to be in actual, legal lockdown by my birthday, which might scupper even the low-key plans I'm converging on, but so it goes.

[kht]

Birthday hike? I think it is too cold for sitting around outdoors but something more active might work.
(Online is probably the easiest option)

[liv]

The thing is that there's barely 6 hours of daylight on my birthday, which doesn't allow for much of a hike. But yes, something active outdoors is better than sitting miserably in a beer garden, that's a very good point.

Online is easy in a way since there's no logistics, but I'm finding it emotionally draining to host Zoom stuff at the moment. That's partly why I suggested non-video socializing, but I suspect it probably still takes a chunk of emotional energy to make that seem fun and engaging and not just yet another day of sitting at the computer spodding. Thank you for helping me work things out, though, I'm extrovert enough that just talking about it makes the decision feel more comfortable.

[mrissa]

Are there food-things that you like disproportionately to the rest of your family? Like for example my family likes plantains like normal people might like plantains, whereas I love plantains beyond all reason. Even if you have one or two extra hoomans in the garden with you but SPECIAL LIV DISH TO FOLLOW, that combination might feel more festive?

I don't know, I'm a very simple person who did a dance around the kitchen because I got roasted broccoli this week, in some ways I'm a very bad person to ask about celebrating because I will in fact celebrate "ooh broccoli it got the crispy bits on" and I understand that other people's brains do not obligingly do that.

[liv]

Thank you, this is a very good idea. Exciting food is a good way to make my birthday feel special. When I'm not in pandemic fog I absolutely do dance around happily because I get to eat a tasty ingredient, but these last few months I've been finding it hard to get excited about even more conventionally exciting things. Depending just how severe a lockdown we get (there are a lot of rumours that we're back indoors for a month starting on my birthday because the politicians "don't want to spoil Christmas"), I have a plan to order crepes. And I guess if they close the restaurants even for delivery, I can always make crepes, that's not a terrible hardship either.

[shreena]

An option you didn't list but I would consider is having something for your half birthday in the summer and a small thing now

[liv]

I would consider that more or less equivalent to skipping because it's too depressing, but that's at least a positive framing of doing so. By June, even if we're still stuck in pandemic grim, outdoor social things will at least be enjoyable and not grim. Thank you.

[mathcathy]

I understand. My mood is low too; and whilst the last few months have contained numerous reasons for my having given up and called a doctor to get signed off significantly for the first time in ever, I think being continually constrained and forced to prioritise anything outside of the home with huge caution and fear of death has contributed. I'm exhausted and I want it to be over and it is getting worse. And scary again.

I think, plan something that will get you up and out into the fresh air. And something that will give you nourishing contact with people you love. If you're like me, that will be different people from the ones you see all the time.

[liv]

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear you've had things harder than most of us, even on top of the general misery of living through the pandemic. It's awful that you're sick and exhausted, I hope things improve for you somewhat with rest, even if the external circumstances are still bad.

You are right that I need fresh air and additional people, much as I love my husband and our bubble. I think I have the outlines of a plan, and thank you for commenting with that good suggestion.