Tiny new person
Jun. 18th, 2020 07:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
livSo my partners and metamour had a baby this week! It's very exciting, but also very weird because we are quarantined apart. I had been a bit nervous and a lot excited about forming a relationship with a child from birth (I suppose that was the case with my siblings, but the period when I was aged 2-6 doesn't count in quite the same way.) But now that's not really going to happen; I'm planning to carry on waving to her from 2m away, but babies don't bond to people who occasionally wave from 2m away.
There's no point being sad about no baby cuddles; I'm already properly sad about having to stay physically distanced from my actual partners and the middle two children whom I miss desperately. Family life during a a pandemic is weird, but that's hardly news.
I started spending extended time with her older siblings when they were 2 1/2 and 6 (now 8 and 11). The thing I found most difficult about interacting with younger children is how emotionally intense they are. Does anyone have any advice (from personal experience or theoretical knowledge) about how to cope when people you care about find every small setback or frustration devastatingly upsetting? It's something I want to do better this time. Note that I don't want advice on how to prevent small children from inconveniently expressing emotions around me, I just want to find better ways of handling my own feelings.
It's probably a skill worth learning in general, because with a terrifying global pandemic everybody is more emotionally on edge than usual. And of course it's something that all parents must manage somehow. I just... don't see it talked about a lot in eg parenting guides.
There's no point being sad about no baby cuddles; I'm already properly sad about having to stay physically distanced from my actual partners and the middle two children whom I miss desperately. Family life during a a pandemic is weird, but that's hardly news.
I started spending extended time with her older siblings when they were 2 1/2 and 6 (now 8 and 11). The thing I found most difficult about interacting with younger children is how emotionally intense they are. Does anyone have any advice (from personal experience or theoretical knowledge) about how to cope when people you care about find every small setback or frustration devastatingly upsetting? It's something I want to do better this time. Note that I don't want advice on how to prevent small children from inconveniently expressing emotions around me, I just want to find better ways of handling my own feelings.
It's probably a skill worth learning in general, because with a terrifying global pandemic everybody is more emotionally on edge than usual. And of course it's something that all parents must manage somehow. I just... don't see it talked about a lot in eg parenting guides.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-06-22 06:32 pm (UTC)One of the most important parts for me has been to remind myself that I have better/more brain development than them, and that this problem really is a Big Deal to them. Be calm, be patient, DON'T ESCALATE, but also don't try to minimize for them. A lot of "therapist-talk" --"that must be really frustrating" "wanna talk about it?" "I'm sorry it's feeling so rough".
Also for the younger ages (like...0-4) a _lot_ of distraction. "hm, this isn't working for you but did you see that I have a book here? or I'm making a funny face? or maybe it's time to go for a walk outside?"
Alsoalso, to a certain extent, not unduly fussing over bumps and bonks --this is especially for body/pain/surprise stuff. A lot of times when toddlers fall down or bump into stuff, they're not actually too badly hurt, they're just surprised and the adult did a panicked reaction and so this is a Very Bad Thing, Let's Cry A Lot. My mom used to go "safe!" when kids fell down, I prefer a chipper and amused "bonk!", either way the point is to make it into a fun game, and not a distressing surprise. (Warning: Some kids will then fall down on purpose repeatedly because "bonk" is very funny, ask me how I know!)
Disclaimer for above paragraph: The funny/light reaction can be the first one, but you should absolutely still pay attention and if it doesn't shock the kid out of being upset, the child could absolutely be for-real hurt and you should intervene as necessary.
~Sor
(Credentials: No kids of my own, but I started regularly babysitting at about age ten (20 years ago) and have done significant amounts of substitute teaching (most of a year with 7-year-olds), a year of nannying a 1.5-2.5 year old, and am now a high school teacher.)