Pep talk required

[liv]

I've had two sessions at the gym which reminded me exactly why I was scared of exercise. I'm not exactly going to give up after 9 months, but I'm feeling rubbish and I could do with some hugs / encouraging thoughts.

Now that my fitness is a bit better than utterly non-existent, I've started going a class. It's a thing called "Body Pump™"; the concept is that you do various things repetitive things with weights, set to music. Until last week, I quite enjoyed the class; it was varied, it was a mix of cardio and strength exercises, it felt challenging without being painful. Then on Thursday there was a new instructor who did things a bit differently. Not vastly different, I could tell it was the same basic concept, but there were two minor changes that made it really unpleasant and stressful for me. The first was that she wanted us to do some of the exercises really fast, two reps to a beat, that sort of thing. And the second was that she interspersed the weight exercises I'm used to, with what I think of as aerobics, without any weight, but including things like jumping.

So I re-discovered the fact that I can't do complicated sequences of movements fast. Unlike what would have happened at school, nobody laughed at me because I couldn't keep up with the class, but I still felt humiliated, perhaps because of setting off bad memories. It didn't help that I was having a bad day anyway; I'd just heard that my big grant application was summarily rejected, not even meeting the bar to be reviewed in detail. So I spent basically the whole evening with head squirrels reciting, I'm so stupid, I can't do anything, I'm rubbish; it was all I could do not to burst into tears. And then I felt even more stupid for getting upset about such a minor thing as a grant rejection (which is a normal part of my professional life) or not being able to do aerobics when I thought I was signing up for a class where strength was more important than speed.

Then I went to Cambridge at the weekend and had generally awesome time, except that I'm allergic to Cambridge and I set off a bit of asthma. I sort of knew I was wheezy this morning, and decided to ignore it because if I am determined to keep up my gym routine even when I'm feeling under the weather. If I start giving myself excuses, I'll end up "not feeling up to it" more often than not. But of course I couldn't do the cardio, and trying set off an asthma attack and it was painful and I wanted to panic (and also felt like a failure for not being able to complete my routine). I suppose one comfort is that I am now fit enough that I can tell the difference between my heart not keeping up and my lungs not keeping up. (That's not physiologically accurate, but as a shorthand.) A year ago I couldn't really do anything to raise my heartrate at all without having a very good chance of setting off asthma, so this is a definite improvement.

This is pretty much what I was scared would happen when you all encouraged me to try going to the gym anyway. So I'm hoping you'll encourage me again and reassure me that just because I've had two consecutive bad sessions, doesn't mean that I have completely lost the ability to do exercise. Sorry to be whiny; I just feel as if I've reverted back to my teenage self being constantly frustrated and picked on because I couldn't keep up with physical activity.

Comments

[liv]

When I made my first stab at exercising, in the nice work gym when I lived in Sweden, Pilates was one of the things I was most taken by. I haven't specifically looked for a Pilates class at my current gym, because I want to concentrate more on the cardio stuff.

To tell the truth I don't really enjoy going to the gym at all. The best I can hope for is not miserable; if I can manage that, then my good resolution, and rewarding myself with XP on Chorewars, keeps me going. But you're quite right, it's not rude to skip out of the class if it's a different instructor from the one whose style I like. Thank you.

[redbird]

Thirding the "it's not rude": you want one style of class, and she's doing a different one.

If the instructor can't cope with the fact that there are gym members who don't like her style of teaching, that is not your fault. Either there are only a few of you, and it shouldn't be a big deal, or there are enough that she should reconsider whether her approach to BodyPump fits that gym.

[liv]

Thank you, this is a good point. I think not going to the class isn't rude, and skipping or altering some of the exercises isn't rude. But turning up, getting prepared and then walking out when I see her arrive might be rude. I like shreena's suggestion of checking with the reception desk in advance so I don't have the awkwardness of making it personal about the instructor.

[kerrypolka]

Would you like a Fitocracy invite? It's like Chore Wars but actually aimed at exercising, and most people on it seem to be quite geeky (there are at least three "geeky women lifting weights" groups I've found so far).

[liv]

Ok, that looks awesome. I know Chore Wars isn't a very good fit; I just used it because it was the first thing that I thought of that gives virtual rewards for real-world activities. And I really do need the motivation, pathetic though it is to care about some code spitting out "congratulations, you have levelled up!" I love your star chart idea, I just haven't quite got organized enough to implement it myself. But a site that's actually designed for this kind of thing sounds great; please do send me an invite. livredor [at] justemail [dot] net, please.

[kerrypolka]

Oh whoops, I didn't read this all the way through and sent it to a different email I have for you - let me know if I should update my records or if they all go to the same place!

[ajollypyruvate]

The few times I had a chance to do Pilates, I found it to be perfect for me and my mobility/structural issues. The instructor was -very- good with those us who had joint and/or spine problems and that impressed. Right up there with the classes I took with Fat Chance Belly Dance for improving tone while exercising muscles. (Maybe you can find a similar type of dance class? It not only was fun and great exercise, it also helped me so much with body issues, which was a very real problem after the home invasion incident.)

I'm also going to firmly agree with hatam_sofret's above advice. The point of going to the gym is not to make the instructor feel wanted; it's to find a means of exercise that works for -you-. Don't feel you have to stay with a class or particular exercise just because you started with one and now it's changed or has become uncomfortable. I stopped going to "traditional" yoga classes because each and every one of the instructors would insist on rapid repetitions of "sun salutation" (which I can't do) and shoulder stands (which cause me horrific pain). Another thing to keep in mind is that it is unlikely (though not improbable) that the other people in the class are actually paying that much attention to you. They are more likely focusing on their own workout and don't much care about others not keeping up. (Although my experience working for an athletic club informs me that there will always be someone out there judging the hell out of others, it also informs me that most of them just don't care.)

Just to repeat the excellent advice already given:
Ask at the front desk for the schedule of the instructor you do like.
For the other days, make at two contingency plans for some other form of workout such that you at least feel you've accomplished -something- each time you go.
Look into taking a beginners class in Pilates; ask around for an instructor who knows how to work with someone who has health issues. You can stick with a beginners class as long as you please, too.

Also,
"So I spent basically the whole evening with head squirrels reciting, I'm so stupid, I can't do anything, I'm rubbish; it was all I could do not to burst into tears."
I'm really sorry. I understand what this is like (head squirrels, brain mice, stuck record, etc.) and you know you aren't stupid or rubbish and sometimes it actually helps to just have a damn good cry and a strong cup of tea.

[liv]

Thank you, I really appreciate this comment. You've touched on several of the issues that I was upset about, and goodness knows you have enough going on in your own life so it's really kind of you to write me such a long, supportive comment. Thank you especially for understanding the head squirrels, though I wish you didn't have so much personal experience.

I like the idea of belly dance because it's not aimed at trying to get thin. But I'm still nervous of any sort of dancing classes because of needing so much more time than most people to learn new movements. I'm trying to make myself do boring, unpleasant cardio exercise because if I were doing this for fun I wouldn't be in the gym at all! But I'm sure that Pilates wouldn't be bad for me any more than varying my cardio stuff with some weight exercises is bad for me.

You're quite right that people don't care how badly I'm doing! I never rationally thought anyone was laughing at me, it was just that I was in a very emotionally similar situation to when I was a kid or teenager and did get picked on because of my lack of competence at athletic stuff. It was actually mostly the teachers, but sometimes the other kids followed their lead a bit. I think I didn't quite realize how bad an emotional reaction I was going to have, having been scared to go to the gym at first and then spent 9 months finding it absolutely fine and not triggering at all.

And yes, I really don't have to stay in the class if it isn't suitable for me, and I can totally just carry on with my solo workout (which is what I mainly do anyway, the class was a new experiment cos I wanted some more variety). Good point about beginners' classes too; there's no obligation to move out of the beginners' class at the same pace as anybody else.