Pep talk required

[liv]

I've had two sessions at the gym which reminded me exactly why I was scared of exercise. I'm not exactly going to give up after 9 months, but I'm feeling rubbish and I could do with some hugs / encouraging thoughts.

Now that my fitness is a bit better than utterly non-existent, I've started going a class. It's a thing called "Body Pump™"; the concept is that you do various things repetitive things with weights, set to music. Until last week, I quite enjoyed the class; it was varied, it was a mix of cardio and strength exercises, it felt challenging without being painful. Then on Thursday there was a new instructor who did things a bit differently. Not vastly different, I could tell it was the same basic concept, but there were two minor changes that made it really unpleasant and stressful for me. The first was that she wanted us to do some of the exercises really fast, two reps to a beat, that sort of thing. And the second was that she interspersed the weight exercises I'm used to, with what I think of as aerobics, without any weight, but including things like jumping.

So I re-discovered the fact that I can't do complicated sequences of movements fast. Unlike what would have happened at school, nobody laughed at me because I couldn't keep up with the class, but I still felt humiliated, perhaps because of setting off bad memories. It didn't help that I was having a bad day anyway; I'd just heard that my big grant application was summarily rejected, not even meeting the bar to be reviewed in detail. So I spent basically the whole evening with head squirrels reciting, I'm so stupid, I can't do anything, I'm rubbish; it was all I could do not to burst into tears. And then I felt even more stupid for getting upset about such a minor thing as a grant rejection (which is a normal part of my professional life) or not being able to do aerobics when I thought I was signing up for a class where strength was more important than speed.

Then I went to Cambridge at the weekend and had generally awesome time, except that I'm allergic to Cambridge and I set off a bit of asthma. I sort of knew I was wheezy this morning, and decided to ignore it because if I am determined to keep up my gym routine even when I'm feeling under the weather. If I start giving myself excuses, I'll end up "not feeling up to it" more often than not. But of course I couldn't do the cardio, and trying set off an asthma attack and it was painful and I wanted to panic (and also felt like a failure for not being able to complete my routine). I suppose one comfort is that I am now fit enough that I can tell the difference between my heart not keeping up and my lungs not keeping up. (That's not physiologically accurate, but as a shorthand.) A year ago I couldn't really do anything to raise my heartrate at all without having a very good chance of setting off asthma, so this is a definite improvement.

This is pretty much what I was scared would happen when you all encouraged me to try going to the gym anyway. So I'm hoping you'll encourage me again and reassure me that just because I've had two consecutive bad sessions, doesn't mean that I have completely lost the ability to do exercise. Sorry to be whiny; I just feel as if I've reverted back to my teenage self being constantly frustrated and picked on because I couldn't keep up with physical activity.

Comments

[chickenfeet]

Everybody has exercise days when nothing feels right. There are times when I try to go out running and after a few minutes I just know that my body has decided not to co-operate. Best thing is listen to your body!

[liv]

I think that's a good idea. Firstly because I make sure I always get myself to the gym when I plan to, I don't get to wimp out because I'm feeling lazy one day. And once I'm there I might as well do the exercise unless I really really can't. Secondly if I am obviously damaging myself by continuing then of course I should stop!

The problem I have with listening to my body is that it is quite liable to send unnecessarily melodramatic "help help I can't get enough air!" messages. And listening to those every time makes the breathing difficulties worse, not to mention it led to my not doing any kind of physical activity for about a decade. Not really an optimal plan. But I think I am getting better at telling the difference between panic and actual problems.

[gool_duck]

Sounds like that instructor is a bad fit for you. It's okay to seek out an instructor with a better fit for you.

[liv]

True, and thank you for reminding me of this. There's nothing wrong with showing up 10 minutes before the class, checking who's going to be running it and if it's the one who wants me to jump about a lot, going off to do solo stuff on the machines instead. I need to figure out how to do this without making it seem as if I'm snubbing her (it isn't always obvious who's running the class until it's about to start, basically).

[pensnest]

It can be a right pain when you get a different instructor, definitely. Especially when it's a fast class—not so bad in Pilates where things are supposed to be a lot slower, but Body Pump is a pretty tough one to begin with.

There's nothing at all wrong with declining to go to a class when it doesn't suit you. Do a nice cardio and weights session instead, where you can set a rhythm that works for you. In my experience it is a heck of a lot easier to keep going to the gym if you enjoy what you do there, and that's important.

[rmc28]

I agree with all of this.

Also, the fact that you (liv) can now tell the difference between "heart and lungs" is really impressive to me.

[liv]

When I made my first stab at exercising, in the nice work gym when I lived in Sweden, Pilates was one of the things I was most taken by. I haven't specifically looked for a Pilates class at my current gym, because I want to concentrate more on the cardio stuff.

To tell the truth I don't really enjoy going to the gym at all. The best I can hope for is not miserable; if I can manage that, then my good resolution, and rewarding myself with XP on Chorewars, keeps me going. But you're quite right, it's not rude to skip out of the class if it's a different instructor from the one whose style I like. Thank you.

[mathcathy]

Basically, every other instructor except Debbie at Total Fitness is poor at leading the Pump class. If it had been an instructor I recognised as bad I'd have told you that the reason I was skipping the class was the instructor. I wasn't sure, though, I hadn't seen her before.

On Saturday I did the class with her and half the group were missing half the exercises she'd asked us to do (if you'd looked around Thursday you would probably have noticed that there were far fewer than normal and that most of them were rebelling against the "do this really really fast" thing and also some of the other bits.

After the Saturday class Charlotte (one of the regulars there) came over to me and said "bring back Debbie" and then after a bit of mutual "we hate the other instructors" told me that on one bit, where we'd caught each others eyes, she'd thought that the exercises this new instructor was suggesting were even dangerous. I think mostly all the class were ignoring her by that point and just doing ordinary sit ups.

So don't be disheartened by that class. Really don't. There is a woman who does the 1030am classes during the week (angela) who is as good (if not better than) Debbie, but she never subs when Debbie's taken holiday. Do you remember when I told you that I basically stopped going to the gym when D was on maternity leave? They couldn't cover her Pump or her Spin classes adequately.

[liv]

Huh, so it's not that I'm incompetent and uncoordinated? That's really reassuring to know, thank you. I was going to complain to you on Thursday but I thought if I started talking about it I'd just burst into tears and that didn't seem quite fair. So, ok, in future I'll make sure I only come to the class while Debbie is in charge.

[403]

"..she'd thought that the exercises this new instructor was suggesting were even dangerous."

The gym would probably want to know that, so the new instructor can be told to adjust her plan for the class. I know in my martial arts classes, when a junior instructor once told us to do a warm-up exercize that could cause a joint injury (which he didn't realize was dangerous), the senior instructor stopped him before he'd even finished demonstrating it to us.

[jack]

*hugs* I've been really impressed that you've kept up the habit of going to the gym, I hope I may copy your good example at somepoint... The important thing is to keep the habit even if you have a couple of off sessions; if you turn up and do something, that's a massive part of the inertia working in your favour instead of against you already, even if you decide you don't want to do one of the things you usually do for once.

I'm really glad you've discovered more of what you can and can't do without triggering asthma; it could so easily have been hard to do anything, but you're right, you were determined to keep trying, and you've gone from almost nothing to regularly exercising, getting noticeably fitter and stronger, to knowing a lot better your limits and which you can and should push through and which you shouldn't press, and generally been an awesome success if you look back on it, so don't let a couple of sessions overwhelm that.

I know I would feel exactly the same as you in the same situation. I always feel awful when I'm trapped in a public situation I'm not quite up to; I suddenly get blind and can't see what's a reasonable way out and what isn't, and find it easier to avoid stuff in advance than exit gracefully, so I know I wouldn't be able to realise this following paragraph about myself, but I can say it about you (and know it's true for me too, even if I wouldn't have thought of it myself).

You have been very successful in getting better, doing exercises, having a trainer, going to classes, and it's worked. Even if every day hasn't been perfect and you haven't always felt like it, you've done enough that you've succeeded. You've improved -- you will go on improving, if you can go on with the same sort of level of stuff as you've been doing. So what's best for you, and what you deserve, and what you are entitled to and are indirectly paying for, is stuff that will work for that. It's a shame that a small change that (presumably) the other instructor thought would be positive and not be a problem was much less helpful for you, but you need what _does_ work for you, and the fact that this one class was a bad fit was unfortunate and possibly embarrassing, but not bad about exercise per se. You are under no obligation to find what's helpful for most people helpful for you: you have specific reasons it wasn't quite right. It's not like you put yourself in under false pretenses: you had every reason to expect it to be good, and it wasn't, but because the communication happened to not quite be sufficient, not because you were intruding on something.

You should work out what would be best for you. Checking beforehand to see if you will the instructor you're used to? Talking to the instructor and seeing if they suggest anything? Seeing if you can keep a second time when you know what to expect, and know what you may be able to leave out? Dropping the class and finding another one? Asking your trainer or Cathy or anyone else who may know what the class is like what they think?

*hugs* It's a problem that will be solved by common sense, objectivity and emotional support, not a fundamental problem with exercising. Don't lose track of how well you've done if something isn't perfect. xxxxx.

Edit: *reads Cathy's comment* Huh. So, apparently your impression of the class was what everyone else thought, you just didn't have the background to know that at the time. So you officially don't suck, yay! :)

[liv]

I talked to you in person, but I wanted to note it down here: thank you so much for this comment, I really appreciate the kind of support that is objective as well as sympathetic. You've hit just the right note here, and thank you for writing such a long, helpful comment.

[oursin]

There are always some things that are going to be bad fits for one's particular exercise needs or capacities: I cannot be doing with aerobics, for similar coordination reasons, and the speeding things up and so on. Which is why I like the gym.

I also just Do Not Get Tai Chi, whereas I'm fine (depending somewhat on instructor) with yoga or pilates.

[liv]

I think a lot of my problem has been that the available forms of exercise were running or aerobics (or similar highly energetic dance), both of which are miserable for me. And that's the reason why I thought for ages that I hated exercise full stop. It was a bit of a revelation to show up at the gym and be told it was totally fine to prefer power-walking over running, and that I can do all kinds of fitness building stuff that doesn't require me to jump around or be highly coordinated.

I think going back on that was part of why I was so upset last week. I can dance, not well, but I can, I just need to go through the steps slowly a lot more times than most people do. I think I can probably conclude that Zumba is not going to be for me, even though it's the latest cool thing.

[blue_mai]

I don't have much helpful to say except that I am *so* impressed with what you've done so far and how you're going about it. I am utterly useless at routine, and your twice a week gym thing is twice more in a week than I've done in my life... despite supposedly being required to 'train' when I used to do sports.

I would definitely echo the listen to your body sentiments, except that that is excatly why I never go to the gym or keep up regular exercise. heh. but I still like listening to my body.

the second thing is - I really don't think that instructors get hurt feelings if you do once-a-beat repeats instead of twice-a-beat or whatever, if you are happy at a certain level of pushing yourself in terms of speed/coordination, there is absolutely no obligation to go beyond that. going half or quarter-speed on a routine or repeats is a good way of staying involved with the class if you want. it's not about "keeping up" anymore.

[liv]

Thank you so much! It is really helpful to be told that I'm impressive for establishing a routine and sticking to it. I mean, it doesn't seem much, and I mainly keep up because of buddying with mathcathy. But yeah, I have achieved something worthwhile by keeping this up for 9 months.

Listening to my body is always a struggle for me. I still have to remind myself that it's not just an annoying meatsack I have to drag around, and get over the intellectual snobbery of thinking that information I can obtain by pure reasoning is more valuable. Also my body is slightly broken in that it tends to send "help, not enough air!" messages long before it's necessary. But I'm definitely getting the hang of distinguishing such false alarms from stuff I actually should be paying attention to.

I think just following the exercises at half pace isn't quite the solution for me at the moment. I don't have enough coordination to be able to handle picking out the musical beat while doing things differently from the instructor and the rest of the class and trying to do exercises complicated enough to require attention. When I'm panicking anyway, I definitely don't have enough spare brain power. Right now I think a better solution is to stay away from that class when it's the instructor who wants to do complicated things fast. That's a bit harder to do without being rude, because if I turn up, get ready for class and then walk out when she appears, it's hard to do that discreetly.

[monanotlisa]

Please don't worry, or give up; things like this happen, to all of us. We're not all talented for every aspect of sports, and that's okay -- I personally don't learn movement of just my body quickly either, so dancing or karate takes a long long time and is imminently frustrating: you should have seen me at the dojo or those afternoon tea dances...or, you know, not. But in the end, I persevered: got my belt, got my medal. :)

[liv]

Thank you, that's especially comforting coming from you cos I think of you as really sporty! I'm really impressed that you persevered to learn karate and dancing when you find it frustrating. Thanks for the inspiration!

[syllopsium]

Some days are just better than others and I find that a lot depends on your instructor, what's happened to you that day, sleep, general health and mental state - where the difference between physical ability and motivation comes in.

The general trend is definitely what's necessary, and anyone who's not an elite athlete is allowed a day off!

I don't work out for speed - it's more endurance for me, to increase capacity, tone up and a bit of weight loss. If I find that I'm really not in the mood I back off and run slower or bimble around on the bike. At the end of the day, exercise aims aside, I do this to enjoy myself!

[liv]

Yeah, I definitely have better and worse days. Sometimes I can breeze through my exercise routine comfortably, others I have to push myself. And you're quite right that it does depend on stuff like how well I've slept and how I'm feeling emotionally (and in my case, the time of day and pollen count also make a difference). I'm pleased that I've been motivated enough to do my exercises anyway even when I'm having a bad day. But the last couple of sessions were just awful, upsetting in one case and physically painful in the other, that's worse than just having an off day. Still, I know it's not a big deal in the scheme of things and I'm sure I'll get back into my normal range next time I go. Good to be reminded, though.

I'm not really interested in doing anything fast. I want to do stuff fast enough that my heart actually notices it, because the main thing I want is to improve cardiac fitness. But so fast that I can't actually do things properly because I'm not coordinated enough, no. I'm impressed by how good you've been about getting outdoors and doing energetic things! I'm glad you do find it enjoyable as well as being good for your health.

[emperor]

I get on-days and off-days with exercisey-things (be that cycling to work, or climbing), and it sounds like this other instructor isn't really a good fit for you. If they're a temporary thing while the usual instructor is on holiday or something, maybe do something else until the usual one is back?
*hug*

[liv]

Thank you for the encouragement! Yes, I definitely do think that doing something else (ie my normal solo routine) while this unsuitable instructor is running the class is the best strategy. And I will enquire with the gym whether the substitution is a permanent or temporary arrangement.

I've definitely had off-days, but not previously days that were actively painful or upsetting. But I'm sure I'll get over it, especially with everybody cheering me on via DW!

Cycling to work is a really good idea, and would greatly mitigate my problem that exercise takes up time that I'd rather spend on other things. The trouble is that I'm not very confident at all cycling on roads, and I don't really fancy the last mile up to the university, which is up a steep hill along a busy main road.

About listening to your body

[redbird]

Part of the trick is to tell the difference between specific signs of problems, and general malaise. The latter is much more likely to be that you still don't enjoy the gym, but are doing it because it's good for you (sort of an extended version of flossing one's teeth). And it sounds as though you're getting good at that.

Sometimes it's about balancing things: I was sick on Tuesday, and still coughing some on Thursday, so I called my trainer and canceled my Thursday session, and went home and just did a bit of stretching and my basic physical therapy stuff for the shoulder. That was partly because I was planning to visit Adrian this weekend, and was worried that if I did the gym, I wouldn't be up to enjoying the trip. As it happened, I was feeling fine on the weekend, and at Adrian's suggestion went to the gym on Sunday.

Also (and I may have mentioned this before) if you're not doing a class at the gym, you can go and do just a little: if you normally do 20 minutes of cardio, try 7 or 10. If you're used to doing four things with weights, pick one, and then see how you feel after doing it. Sometimes when I do that I wind up doing eight or ten things; sometimes I do two and then shower and go home.

[liv]

Thank you for this really helpful, detailed advice. I think the best way to stop myself from just making excuses for skipping the gym is to go there anyway, and do a little bit of my routine and see if that carries me through to completing the whole thing. If I really can't manage the full routine, at least I've done something and sensibly listened to my body, but if it's just inertia, I'll have overcome that. And you really do know about balancing things, so I appreciate the benefit of your experience.

I think probably the next step is to find something, either equipment or instructions or perhaps both, that I can do at home. I'm hoping that will be in addition to rather than instead of twice weekly gym sessions, but definitely a good idea to establish that habit further.

[ewt]

Others have given lots of sensible advice here, so I don't have a whole lot to add, except to re-iterate that you are awesome for sticking with this.

I've had horrible (as opposed to "a bit off" or "not great") practice sessions from time to time -- rehearsals where there's a really nasty conductor and everything goes wrong and it's embarrassing, or personal practice where my joints give up before I can get any good work done or my critical listening ear (necessary for improvement!) turns on me and I go into a perfectionist spiral that ends in frustrated tears and feeling good for nothing. Things that make it easier for me to go back the next day and try again include reminding myself of the reasons I want to keep practising, and trying to remember things that I have felt were successful. You seem to be doing that already in this post, which is great! Other techniques I have employed have included making a bigger bribery carrot (If I practice today then I can go and see X who is lovely), and giving myself a get-out clause so the what-ifs don't derail me (If I practice for 20 minutes and still feel horrible, I'm allowed to stop).

Maybe this isn't a good comparison, because on a good day I really do enjoy practising as opposed to it merely being bearable, but it is very much about physical training and it is something that I have to treat as a discipline rather than recreation and it is something in which I have some non-standard limitations (joint stuff mostly -- I think most of my musician colleagues have had at least one perfectionist melt-down complete with brain squirrels at some point!). And sometimes it's absolutely horrid, and that doesn't mean that I've failed in any way. Going back is daunting and requires a bit of care but it is absolutely worth it.

[liv]

Thank you so much. I didn't realize that you'd have relevant experience because music is something that you enjoy and are good at. But it's still a physical discipline which can get tangled in emotional issues. And really this comment is just what I needed to here, relevant practical suggestions and just understanding where I come from.

[feanelwa]

That's why I stopped going to a couple of classes, because it was just too hard and if you get behind once you get knackered catching up and then stay feeling like crap for the whole session. I went to this thing called body balance and there was one instructor who did it at the right speed to get tired and enjoy it and another one who just did it too fast. It doesn't help that my back was more immobile than a lot of the 60 year olds in the class so they were balancing away and I was falling on the floor or struggling to do rep #1 when they were on #5. As for Pilates I frankly just cried. If I was you I would...ditch that class or start a different one with a nicer instructor.